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How to Be More Confident in Bed: 13 Tips to Build Sexual Confidence
By Danny GarrettFebruary 20, 2024 13 min readUpdated:February 26, 2024
When it comes to sex, confidence is king. While you might be confident outside of the bedroom, it can be a completely different story once you step inside. You may have had a bad experience in the past, have sexual dysfunction, or have some hang-ups over your weight, body shape, or penis size that are contributing to your lack of confidence.
A lack of sexual confidence can cause you to lose interest in sex entirely and may bleed over into your non-sexual life. Negative thought patterns will affect your confidence and self-esteem, which can impact the rest of your life.
Studies have shown a correlation between sexual satisfaction and sexual confidence, leading us to one conclusion: the more confident you are, the more enjoyable your sex will be. Sexually confident people are able to relax in the bedroom, which studies indicate is crucial when giving and receiving pleasure. Plus, men and women both find confidence a turn-on.
Sexually confident people are typically more sexually active and adventurous as they're in touch with their bodies.
They're able to have heightened sexual experiences just by being more comfortable with themselves - it's that simple. Sexual confidence requires you to be aware of yourself and your partner. It means being certain that you can listen to and communicate with them and that you understand and respect their boundaries. Consent is essential before sex, regardless of who's involved or where.
While you might think the odds are stacked against you, we're here to teach you that you can learn to be more confident in bed. That's what we're going to look at today: we're going to dive into methods to help boost that bedroom confidence and unpack those negative thought patterns. Learning to relax and leaving your insecurities in the past will improve your self-esteem, your sex life, and your mental well-being in general.
1. Be aware of your internal dialogue
What we say to ourselves matters. If you're constantly criticizing yourself or fretting over a bad past sexual experience or your body image, it will eat away at your confidence. We're all guilty of being too harsh on ourselves at times, but often we're our own worst enemy - especially regarding sex.
Negative thought patterns can quickly become an endless cycle as thoughts stir up emotions, and emotions bring on more insecurities. These cycles have the power to literally distort your perception of reality. If your internal dialogue is telling you, "I can't please my partner" or "I'm not going to be able to get an erection," you're going to begin to believe that's true and your body will react in kind.
Your brain takes these negative thoughts and feelings and turns them into physical symptoms of anxiety and sexual dysfunction, which in turn feed your insecurities, leading to more negative thoughts and so on. Small insecurities can balloon into major insecurities as these thought patterns fester.
Everyone has negative thoughts, but if you want to build confidence, it's crucial you begin identifying them and stamping them out. It might be hard, but once you start identifying them, you can actively focus on thinking positively instead. Simply replacing a negative internal dialogue with a positive one can have many benefits, and studies have proven that it can reduce stress and improve confidence.
Think of your internal dialogue as a muscle - the more you turn negativity into positivity, the easier it will become, and the better it will be for your overall mental health. You'll relax, and your confidence will skyrocket.
2. Improve your communication with your partner
Communication is the bedrock of any healthy relationship. Multiple studies have proven that good communication between partners is key to maintaining relationship satisfaction and sexual satisfaction. If you want to build sexual confidence, then talking about sex openly is essential.
Open sexual communication will build trust between partners, foster intimacy, and allow you and your partner to feel secure. The more you talk about sex openly, the less anxious you'll feel, which will lead to better sexual experiences and greater sexual satisfaction. Talking about sex creates a supportive space to develop a fulfilling sexual relationship.
Be clear and concise when you're communicating with your partner.
They can't read your mind, so talking to them about your turn-ons and turn-offs is crucial if you want to have a satisfying sexual relationship.
Sharing your inner desires is a great way to enhance the pleasure of sex and build your confidence. Sexual confidence, after all, is all about being comfortable in yourself and as a sexual being. Nothing builds comfort quicker than open and honest communication, plus you'll look confident by bringing up the subject. Sometimes, acting confident can help you become genuinely confident, so fake it till you make it.
Communication also doesn't have to be verbal: touch, body language, eye contact, and facial expressions are all part of sexual communication. Improving your communication is all about awareness and understanding each other - your boundaries, preferences, and desires. It requires talking and listening; if you can master both traits, you'll be well on your way to improving your confidence in the bedroom.
3. Engage in some exercise
Exercise makes you feel good. There have been numerous studies into the effects of exercise on your mental and sexual health, with findings consistently showing the proven benefits. Exercising can help improve your erectile function, boost your libido, and reduce stress, anxiety, and depression. Improving your body's blood flow is great for sexual function, and feeling fit and healthy will work wonders for your self-esteem.
Extra stamina and endurance will help you feel more confident in your ability to perform and will likely be appreciated by your partner.
The hormones your body produces during exercise can improve your mood, which will boost your confidence in and out of the bedroom. Incorporating exercise into your day can be as easy as walking to work, a light jog on your break, or taking the stairs instead of the elevator - just get that body moving. It doesn't have to be an intense workout. Start small, set manageable goals, and you'll quickly see the benefits.
4. Don't wait for the perfect sex situation
Waiting for the perfect moment to have sex might seem like a smart approach, but it often means you'll miss opportunities for intimacy and growth. If you're struggling with sexual confidence issues, it's understandable that you'd want everything to be perfect before diving in. However, the reality is that this mindset can hold you back and stunt your progress.
It's better to adopt a spontaneous mindset when it comes to sex; these experiences are all opportunities for you to cultivate confidence, even if they're not as perfect as you'd imagined. The scenario you've created in your head is unlikely to live up to your expectations, and holding on to these unrealistic ideals can negatively impact your sexual confidence and increase your sexual anxiety.
Ditch the idea of perfection and embrace these genuine, imperfect experiences.
\It's a healthier approach that encourages you to remain open to experiences as they come and will build confidence naturally, even when things don't go as planned.
5. Be clear (respectfully) about what you want
Sexual confidence requires equal parts comfort and experience. It's about knowing what you like and trusting your ability to give and receive pleasure. So it's important that you're clear and concise with your partner about your needs and desires. Understanding your preferences in the bedroom is one of the first steps to building sexual confidence, and effectively talking to your partner about it comes next.
As we've previously mentioned, communication is vital - knowing what you want and explaining that to your partner shows that you're confident in the bedroom and can help you feel more confident even if you're nervous. It will help you both feel more relaxed and receptive to embracing pleasure.
Being assertive in the bedroom will come naturally with time and experience, but being clear and concise and ensuring your partner understands your preferences are good starting points. If your partner isn't keen on what you're proposing, don't push it - try and find a middle ground. You have to be receptive to your partner's needs as well as your own, and if they're not comfortable, it's important that you respect their boundaries.
6. Be curious about your and your partner's body
Curiosity is an excellent tool for building sexual confidence. Keeping an open mind in the bedroom will help you learn what turns you on and what doesn't and can open the door to a variety of sexual spice. Learning about you and your partner's body and keeping yourself open to new experiences will greatly improve your sexual and relationship satisfaction and will help you feel confident as a sexual being.
Keeping an open mind in the bedroom will help you learn what turns you on and what doesn't and can open the door to a variety of sexual spice.
Don't be afraid to ask your partner questions - talking openly and listening are great ways to learn, as long as you approach these talks with an accepting and non-judgmental attitude. You both have many complex wants and needs, so it's good to explore and be curious to find out what works for both of you. The more curious you are, the more you'll discover about each other's pleasure, and the better you'll be at pleasing each other.
Being honest and open with yourself and with your partner will help improve your communication and eliminate any feelings of guilt or shame around sex. Sexual desires can change over time, and embracing this is all part of keeping a curious mind. Exploring these curiosities will ensure you're both satisfied and will get rid of any awkwardness, creating a space for you to feel relaxed and confident.
7. Consider sexual therapy
If you're struggling with building confidence, it can be beneficial to see a sex therapist. It might seem intimidating, but they'll be able to help you work through any issues or insecurities and come out of it a more confident you.
Both men and women internalize negative attitudes towards sex and sexuality through media, pornography, and society in general. It happens without us even realizing it and can often be the root cause of confidence issues. A therapist will work with you to unpack this internalized stigma and teach you how to embrace yourself as a sexual person. They can also help you identify and combat negative thought patterns, overcome sexual dysfunctions, and have a wealth of knowledge and methods for building sexual confidence.
If you're struggling with building confidence, it can be beneficial to see a sex therapist.
Sex therapists can be seen individually or as a couple. You may feel more comfortable visiting a sex therapist with your partner, especially if you're having issues communicating. They'll be able to guide you both through the process, help identify any issues within your relationship that might be negatively affecting you both, and support you through them.
A therapist can empower you and your partner, enabling both of you to feel like confident sexual beings, which will strengthen emotional intimacy and enhance your relationship satisfaction.
8. Accept and love your body
Embracing your body shape, size, and all its intricacies is crucial if you want to build confidence. It might sound cliché, but everyone is unique in their own ways, and that doesn't diminish your worth or entitlement to pleasure; you deserve it just as much as anyone else. Learning to accept this fact and love your body can be a tough process, but it will do wonders for your confidence, as well as your mental and physical well-being.
Research has shown that developing an appreciation of your body can improve sexual satisfaction and increase overall sexual enjoyment. People who love their bodies tend to be more self-compassionate and satisfied in life, and they're at a lower risk of developing anxiety or depression. They're also more likely to experiment in the bedroom and be sex-positive, which increases their sexual satisfaction.
Embracing your body shape, size, and all its intricacies is crucial if you want to build confidence.
To be confident at sex, you have to be confident in your own skin. If you're in your head worrying about your body, it will be tough to get in the right mindset for sex and even tougher to feel receptive to pleasure. Try to ground yourself when you begin to have intrusive worries - everyone's body is different, and that's absolutely fine.
A lot of guys develop body image issues through watching pornography and end up thinking that bigger is better when it comes to the bedroom. This causes a lot of nerves about pleasing their partner or not living up to expectations. Fortunately, bigger is not always better, and women will appreciate a man who is emotionally intelligent and open to learning about their bodies and how to pleasure them.
9. Talk about positions and toys (if you're comfortable with them)
Trying out new positions and bringing some toys into the bedroom can be an amazing experience, provided you and your partner are comfortable with them. A lack of sexual confidence can stem from having boring, unfulfilling sex, which can be avoided by spicing things up in the bedroom. Trying new positions is great for relationship satisfaction and can help you feel empowered and confident, while toys are excellent for maximizing pleasure.
Float the idea to your partner and see what their preferences are. Discuss some new positions if you're not confident about including toys in the bedroom. Don't jump straight to the most advanced move in the Kama Sutra; pick a couple of beginner-friendly positions that look interesting, and take your time exploring them. Once you've mastered the easier moves, you'll feel more confident and can move on to the more advanced stuff.
Discuss some new positions if you're not confident about including toys in the bedroom.
Toys are great for enhancing pleasure and revitalizing things in the bedroom. They can allow you to explore each other's fantasies and bring fresh experiences into tired bedrooms. You'll learn a lot about each other's pleasure through the use of sex toys, which will help improve your sexual satisfaction.
Switching things up is excellent for maintaining sexual satisfaction, and you can make big improvements in the bedroom without having to make drastic changes.
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10. Have fun
Ultimately, sex is supposed to be enjoyable and fun. Pleasure is great, and it's a lot easier to be in the mood for giving and receiving pleasure if you're relaxed and having fun. Laughter might seem taboo in the bedroom, but sex can often be funny, and laughter can help you relax, feel uninhibited, and be more receptive to your partner. One study found that laughter in a sexual setting was related to higher levels of desire in men and women.
Laughter releases endorphins and helps people feel connected, and studies show that couples that laugh a lot are more satisfied in their relationships.
If you're laughing, you're having fun, and you'll be able to laugh any awkwardness, guilt, or shame off. Having fun in the bedroom will keep things exciting, ensuring your sex life stays enjoyable and keeping you both satisfied.
11. Improve your foreplay game
Learning to be intimate without sexual intercourse is a great way to build confidence in the bedroom. Women need foreplay for them to have enjoyable sex, and it's an essential part of any great sexual experience. Foreplay requires you both to slow things down and focus on giving and receiving pleasure - it's intimate and a great way to explore each other and find out what you each respond to.
Elevating your foreplay game improves your chances of giving your partner an orgasm, as slowing down makes it easier to understand what's working and what isn't and allows your partner time to get sufficiently aroused. Improving your foreplay will make you better equipped to give pleasure, and your sex life will improve, as will your confidence.
Women need a degree of emotionally intimate foreplay as well as physically intimate to feel aroused, so we recommend spicing things up outside of the bedroom as well. Racy text messages or phone calls are an excellent way of incorporating foreplay into your everyday life. They let you connect intimately even while you're apart and will help fulfill your partner's needs.
12. Focus on pleasure, not performance
A lot of men can get hung on sexual performance over pleasure, which can lead to dysfunction and confidence issues. Sex isn't a race to the finish, first to orgasm wins. It should be a process of pleasure that you go into with the mindset of having fun, not just for intercourse and orgasm. Looking at sex like a performance can take away from your pleasure and intimacy, as you focus only on your end goal rather than making sure you and your partner enjoy the experience.
Sex should be like eating an expensive meal at a high-class restaurant.
You go to enjoy the food, savor every mouthful, take your time to appreciate the flavors and textures, and sometimes go back for a dessert. You don't rush through it to try and fit as much food in your face as possible. It's a pleasurable experience because you take your time and focus on the food.
Adopting a pleasure-oriented approach will give you the freedom to overlook performance issues, resulting in a more relaxed space in which to explore your sex life. Focusing on feelings and sensations will enhance your prowess in the bedroom, foster intimacy, and improve your confidence and relationship satisfaction.
13. Train yourself masturbating
There's no better way to learn about yourself and build up sexual stamina than by masturbating. Confidence comes from knowing your body, finding out what sensations you enjoy, and what the process of orgasm is like for you. A deeper understanding of your body will improve your self-esteem and make it easier to receive pleasure. Masturbation also helps you sleep better and can reduce stress and anxiety.
It's all about helping you to gain a better sense of yourself and appreciate the different parts of who you are.
Practicing mindful masturbation is a great way to lay the foundation for the other confidence-building methods listed here. Focus on the sensations and experiences; don't just rush to orgasm. Explore your body and try to reconnect with your sexual side.
You'll find out what makes you tick, develop an appreciation for your body, and free yourself from judgment so that you can explore pleasure in a new way. It's all about helping you to gain a better sense of yourself and appreciate the different parts of who you are.
Summary
Sexual confidence is essential for a fulfilling sex life, yet many people struggle with it due to various reasons. This lack of confidence can affect all aspects of your life, but that doesn't mean you're doomed. In fact, there are many ways to build sexual confidence.
Embracing a pleasure-focused mindset and maintaining good communication with your partner will help build trust, foster intimacy, and improve your skills in the bedroom. Learning to love your body, identify negative thought patterns, and be mindful about sex will help you build confidence and will benefit your overall well-being.
Sexual confidence will come naturally as you feel more relaxed about sex and improve your understanding of your and your partner's bodies.
It's all about experience, awareness, and respect. Respect your partner and their boundaries, and you'll learn how to respect yourself along the way.
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