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What is BDE? Big Dick Energy, Explained

10 min read
What is BDE? Big Dick Energy, Explained

If you've spent any time online in the last few years, you've almost certainly seen the phrase "big dick energy" used. The thing is, it's not just rich and handsome Hollywood guys it's being used to describe. In fact, for every person using the term to describe Tom Hardy or Chris Hemsworth, there's someone also using it to describe Rihanna, Lizzo, or even Kamala Harris.

So, what exactly is "big dick energy"? If having an enormous penis isn't an essential part of the puzzle, what do you need to exude this kind of cool confidence?

Here, we'll take a detailed look at the phrase, the kinds of behaviors and traits of people with BDE, and some actionable tips on how you can develop your own BDE.

The great news (for us averagely hung guys) is - there's no large penis required for entry to the BDE club...

TLDR Summary

  • "Big dick energy (BDE)" is a pop culture term indicating a mix of confidence, authority, and authenticity, unrelated to actual physical traits.
  • The term originated from tweets in 2018 discussing Pete Davidson's aura.
  • BDE traits include being authentic, influential without manipulation, resilient, self-aware, comfortable in every situation, able to handle criticism, and not needing to justify themselves.
  • BDE is achievable; steps to cultivate it include being comfortable in one's own skin, having a sense of humor, learning to flirt, setting and achieving goals, and exhibiting confident posture.
  • BDE is about building genuine self-confidence and charisma through practice, regardless of one's profession or status.

What is BDE (Big Dick Energy)?

Big dick energy is a pop-culture term that describes a certain attitude or energy that someone gives off. It's a combination of confidence, authority, self-assuredness, and a lack of concern for other people's opinions.

Contrary to what the name suggests, penis size doesn't play a part in big dick energy - hence it can be used for women just as much as it can be for men.

Where did the term big dick energy come from?

The origins of the term "big dick energy" can be traced back to the Twitter user @babyvietcong, who, talking about Pete Davidson and Ariana Grande in May 2018, said:

'Pete davidson is 6'3 with dark circles, exudes big dick energy, looks evil but apparently is an angel, and loves his girl publicly the only thing wrong w/ him is that he's a scorpio but anyway....I'd married him within a month too'

The internet picked up on the phrase, and it became part of the cultural language when another Twitter user, @kwakudavidgh, started using it in popular tweets. He also gave the phrase a bit more definition in this tweet from September 2021:


Since these early days, the phrase has been used to describe a whole host of different public figures, including:

  • Idris Elba
  • Harry Styles
  • Timotheé Chalamet
  • Serena Williams
  • Terry Crews
  • Mahershala Ali
  • Cate Blanchett

Main behaviors and traits of men with BDE

As you can see, any phrase that applies equally to Idris Elba, Harry Styles, Terry Crews, and Timotheé Chalamet doesn't require that a person look a certain way or have the same kind of typical 'masculine' traits.

So, what kind of behaviors and traits can you expect to see from someone who has big dick energy?

1. They are authentic

Authenticity is an important part of BDE.

Now, you might think that it's easy to be authentic when you're a talented movie star, and that could be true, but big dick energy isn't linked to status or popularity.

Instead, these people are comfortable in their own skin and know that, as long as they're true to themselves, people will sense that authenticity and gravitate toward them.

The idea of being authentic inspires a lot of trust in people.

If someone puts on a 'mask' to impress others or gain their approval, it's difficult to know whether they are trustworthy or just looking for validation from others.

2. They're influential without being manipulative

Typically, people with BDE inspire others without trying to change people's opinions or set themselves up as an example of how to do things.

Instead of actively trying to persuade or manipulate others, someone with big dick energy will use their knowledge, expertise, and composure to communicate who they are without actively trying to be a role model.

3. They seem to be relaxed and comfortable in all situations

It doesn't matter what situation or environment someone with BDE is in, they'll always tend to be calm, composed, and at ease.

This quiet confidence usually comes from a place of self-assurance - knowing that you're absolutely okay exactly as you are.

Sure, there are always going to be people who don't vibe with guys with BDE - but that's okay, big dick energy people can do their thing while they do theirs.

4. They can handle criticism

People with BDE energy aren't cocky or arrogant, so when they receive criticism, they take it in a constructive and productive way.

Ultimately, being able to handle criticism is an important part of learning, developing, growing, and improving - whether that's as a person or in a particular task.

Being able to handle criticism without desperately trying to defend their position means a person with BDE shows emotional intelligence and maturity. We're often very poor judges of our own behavior - so this kind of feedback, taken in the right way, helps a person to create confidence that's built on an objective look at the world.

5. They are resilient

Someone with big dick energy isn't just able to take criticism from others well - they're also able to take on the host of other trials and challenges that life throws at them, building resilience as they do.

You could be fooled into thinking that this is something that comes from being especially tough and just immune to negative feelings - but this isn't the case.

Often, the difference between being overwhelmed by an event or a situation is actually understanding yourself emotionally.

Rather than just bottling up the feelings that come with a traumatic event, someone with BDE understands themselves enough to deal with the situation in a healthy way and then bounces back with a true "what doesn't kill me makes me stronger" attitude.

6. They don't feel the need to justify themselves

A lot of the low-key charisma that's associated with BDE comes from a person feeling like they don't need to explain themselves and their decisions or opinions to others.

This is powerful because it shows that the person is confident and doesn't require the approval of other people to know they are doing what's right for them. Now, this is an attitude that can easily slip into arrogance or toxic masculinity - but a person with true big dick energy is careful with this balance, respecting the people around them while sticking to their principles and beliefs.

7. They are self-aware

People with BDE are often described as being self-aware - understanding the impact the world has on them and the impact they have on the world around them.

When someone is self-aware, they tend to be more controlled with their reactions to the world.

This helps people stay cool under pressure and be more considered, rather than panicking and being impulsive or reactive without considering the implications.

Can you develop your own big dick energy?

For most of us, a quick glance at the list of traits and characteristics of someone who exudes big dick energy will leave you feeling that you're coming up short.

The thing is, people aren't born with these traits or abilities.

Instead, they're things that have been practiced a developed over time. More often than not, these attractive qualities are just habits that have become ingrained in the person.

This makes big dick energy achievable for anyone if you're willing to take an honest look at where you are now and think about what will help you get there.

1. Try to be more comfortable in your own skin

You're you. No matter how much you try to emulate someone who already has big dick energy, what works for them isn't going to work for you.

Rather than try to be something you're not, embrace who and what you are. Remember, BDE isn't about having a fixed set of interests or Hollywood A-lister style and looks, it's about letting the world know you're comfortable with exactly who you are.

Action point: Sit down and think about what makes you unique. Write down some of the things you love. Also, think about the core principles in your life - things that, when everything material is stripped away, define how you want to behave and interact with the world. A journaling habit can help with this.

Sit down and think about what makes you unique.

It's a good idea to revisit these things. You might do it occasionally - or you might do it every morning while you brush your teeth. No one's going to hold you to account for wanting to be the best you can be, so it's up to you to strive to be the best version of yourself.

Remember, far fewer people are looking at you and judging you than you probably think. People are too busy thinking about themselves and what people think of them.

2. Your Sense of Humor

Being able to make people laugh is scientifically proven to make you more attractive and enhance big dick energy. Laughing makes people feel good - so if it's your sense of humor that's helping to create that environment, you stand out as being attractive.

Humor is an important part of BDE for a number of reasons:

  • It shows people that you are comfortable in social situations
  • It demonstrates self-awareness, especially if you're not afraid to laugh at yourself
  • It helps people bond, with the feel-good hormones it releases helping to create a sense of connection between people

Being able to make people laugh is scientifically proven to make you more attractive and enhance big dick energy.

Action point: Comedians and funny people aren't born funny, they practice it. As such, it's a great idea to watch comedy, read funny books, and surround yourself with funny people. Don't be afraid to try your humor out either - it might feel like unchartered territory, but unless you explore and experiment, you'll never know what works and what doesn't.

3. Learn how to flirt and compliment

People with big dick energy are often seen as being able to flirt and compliment others naturally.

The truth is, this part of BDE comes naturally as confidence and self-esteem grow.

That doesn't mean you can't 'hack' the process and speed things up though. Complimenting people is one of the single-most powerful ways you can demonstrate big dick energy. When you compliment people, you're actually saying a lot more about yourself than you are about the person you're directing your compliment towards. You're showing confidence in your assumption that the person will value your compliment.

Action point: Get in the habit of trying to compliment a different person every day. Make the compliments sincere, specific, and considerate.

  • Offer compliments that reflect your true feelings (remember, authenticity is key to BDE)

  • Make sure your compliment is appropriate and not overly personal or intimate

  • Focus on a person's effort. This is something they're in control of and often means more than just complimenting looks or natural talent

  • Make the compliment personal to you - using the word "I" or "me" rather than commenting on general opinion

4. Put your mind to things and get them done

Anyone can start something - but it takes a certain kind of attitude to see a plan through. This "achiever" mindset is something that's something that's closely linked to big dick energy because it shows dedication, intelligence, and adaptability.

Don't panic, you don't have to win the race to colonize Mars to be seen as being able to get things done. Even small lifestyle changes - like being more disciplined with your time, being a little more conscious of your eating habits, exercising a little more, or focusing a little more when you work - all add up.

Action point: Create helpful habits in your life. James Clear, the author of the New York Times Best Selling book "Atomic Habits" explains in his blog that achieving anything is usually just small amounts of effort repeated again and again.

Whatever it is your want to get done, having the right habits on your side is the key to success.

These small habits don't exist in isolation either - the more you build positive habits in one area of your life, the more likely you are to adopt positive habits in other areas too.

5. Improve your posture and non-verbal language

Something that's typically said about people with big dick energy is that they command the attention of a room or group of people. This kind of outward confidence almost always has to do with their body language and posture.

Sitting or standing upright with your chin up and chest open immediately gives a more confident and commanding presence. Your posture immediately tells people you've got BDE before they've even heard you speak.

Action point: As with most things you want to improve, awareness of your current posture and body language is key and a good place to start. Try to be mindful of how you're standing or sitting - and if you find yourself slumped or looking like you're shying away from interaction, try to get into the habit of correcting your posture and looking more engaged.

Try to be mindful of how you're standing or sitting. 

Again, this is another habit to develop. Look at other people who appear confident and try to mirror their posture and body language somewhat. The beauty of "fake it 'til you make it" with body language is that no one can tell you're faking it!

Big Dick Energy: A summary

Big dick energy is almost universally considered attractive - it's a combination of confidence, authenticity, influence, awareness, and self-assuredness that combines to create a kind of charisma that is magnetic to virtually everyone.

No one is born with this kind of charisma. It's something that takes practice.

Some people get the kind of practice needed to build BDE naturally throughout their life - but most of us need to actively practice these traits. Big dick energy starts with confidence in yourself. You're unique - and BDE energy can be built perfectly on the foundation you provide. This is completely true whether you're next year's NBA MVP or someone cleans tables at a fast food outlet.

Work on becoming comfortable with who you are.

You don't have to appeal to all 7.8 billion people in the world - just the people you encounter each day. Learn to not take life too seriously, and this humor will positively impact the people around you. Get into the habit of sincerely complimenting people to appear kind, comfortable, and attractive. Finally, work on your posture and body language so people know you exude big dick energy from the moment they lay eyes on you.

Remember, all these things are habits. By building your self-esteem and confidence a tiny bit every day, you'll quickly find that others are naturally drawn to you and attracted to the qualities you've built.

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