Along with stable finances, a loving family, and a fulfilling career, a fun sex life is one of the main factors of life that most adults strive toward. However, it's easy to fall into a rut, in which having sex feels more like a routine chore than one of the most satisfying and stimulating parts of being alive. Even if you're having regular sex with multiple partners, you might be wondering how you can kick it up a notch for even more exciting encounters.
That's why we're here to give a few pointers on how to spice up your sex life, from changes of scenery and position to the addition of exciting toys and games.
Why is it important for a couple to spice up their sex life?
It's a familiar pattern - you can't keep your hands off each other for the first few months of the relationship, and the idea of no longer having an active sex life seems ridiculous. But eventually, the initial excitement of being with your partner wears off, and while this means you're likely closer and more comfortable with them, it can also take a potential toll on your sexual connection. This is potentially the reason why many couples split after a few months - once the well of exciting early sex has dried up, they discover they don't have as much in common as they thought!
The sky's the limit when it comes to the fun you can have during sex, so don't limit yourself!
But couples who stick together for a long time are particularly susceptible to seeing their once-healthy sex life start to dwindle as the years go by. As other factors of life get in the way, from jobs and finances to children and family obligations, good sex can fall by the wayside as a priority. This isn't inevitable, but it's certainly a phenomenon that a lot of couples experience - and it's by no means a life sentence for boring sex!
Even if you're single, you might find that your sex life isn't as fulfilling as it could be, due to a lack of confidence with new partners or a sexual routine that no longer thrills you in the same way it used to. So whether your love life has become dull or you already have satisfying sex, why wouldn't you want to make it a little more exciting? The sky's the limit when it comes to the fun you can have during sex, so don't limit yourself!
1. Try different sex positions
Before you rush out to book a romantic vacation, invest in expensive lingerie, or buy some erotic books or toys, there's a lot you can do that's totally free. For instance, if you've found yourself stuck in a rut, switching up positions is a great way to keep things fresh in the bedroom without breaking the bank.
Before you rush out to book a romantic vacation, invest in expensive lingerie, or buy some erotic books or toys, there's a lot you can do that's totally free.
While you might have some go-to's that you want to keep around - the oft-maligned missionary is actually the route to orgasm for many women - trying some new positions can open new roads to pleasure too! They don't have to be complicated or require any acrobatics either: the flatiron, the spoon, and the modified cowgirl are all simple positions that pretty much any couple can achieve!
When it comes to any kind of sex, from oral to intercourse, your fun is at least partially limited to how long you can hold out without cumming. By training yourself to last longer in bed, both you and your partner will have a better time for longer, and have more time for trying out new toys or positions in a single-sex session.
As the average refractory period for most men can be up to a couple of hours, in comparison to many women being able to physically continue having sex immediately, prolonging the time before you orgasm can help you and your partner get the most out of the time you have together.
You can practice lasting longer in bed with a few different techniques, both alone or with a partner. For example, edging yourself during masturbation by bringing yourself almost to orgasm and holding back before the climax can help train you for when you're with a partner. You can also use tools like thicker condoms or numbing sprays to lessen the sensation on your penis, which tends to help you last longer before an orgasm is reached.
3. Try new locations
Just like how having sex in the same position every time can become dull, doing it in the same location can have a similar effect. After all, if you're in the same room, same bed, with the same view each time, it might be hard to make it feel truly fresh and exciting!
Something as simple as booking a hotel room in a nearby town or city or even just switching up the room you have sex in can make a world of difference.
It's a cliche at this point, but people don't talk about the sun, sea, and sex for no reason! Vacations are a great time to let loose and have some exciting sex, especially as the atmosphere already encourages you to kick back and have fun (and being away from laundry and housework doesn't hurt!)
But you don't have to fly to another continent to spice up your sex life - something as simple as booking a hotel room in a nearby town or city or even just switching up the room you have sex in can make a world of difference.
4. Improve your foreplay game
There's nothing that can transform mundane sex quite like upping your foreplay game. You don't have to be a sex coach to know some of the benefits of engaging in a good bit of foreplay before you get down to your preferred sex act - not only does it help to build tension for better sex, but it has physical benefits like encouraging vaginal lubrication prior to intercourse and giving your penis more time to become fully erect.
Even without adding new techniques into the mix, there's a lot you can do to get yourself and your partner in the mood. Consider creating a sex playlist filled with some inviting music to create the right atmosphere, or try out some mood lighting or scented candles for a similarly sensual effect.
5. Add sex toys to the mix
If you've never used a sex toy before, you might be surprised at just how much they can up your game sexually! Even if you consider yourself a master of blowjobs or you've got your fingering technique down to a fine art, there are things machines can achieve that go beyond the skills of even the most sexually experienced person!
If you've never used a sex toy before, you might be surprised at just how much they can up your game sexually!
Though the more famous varieties of sex toys are female-focused, such as clitoral vibrators and dildos designed to hit the g spot, there are plenty these days that are designed to be used regardless of gender, and even specifically for men. You could even indulge in some self-care and invest in an automatic masturbator if you're wanting to spice up your solo fun.
If you've never explored the back passage before, anal play can be intimidating - but with the right toys and techniques, it can also be incredibly rewarding. Newcomers to anal might prefer to start with fingers before progressing to anything bigger - after that, toys like small butt plugs or anal beads can feel amazing during other sex acts.
Once you're ready to try anal sex, there are a few cardinal rules to follow: use plenty of lube, ease yourself in slowly, and always listen to your partner. Though doggy style might come to mind when you think of anal, there are many positions to suit all kinds of preferences, from gentler spooning to the more intense piledriver.
7. Improve your communication
When it comes to relationships, communication is key, and that absolutely applies to sex. If your sexual communication isn't up to scratch, it can be difficult for you to know what your partner wants sexually, and vice versa, creating a barrier to pleasure that can feel near impossible to climb.
Communication in the bedroom can make a huge difference - even if it's just telling your partner to move a little to the left!
Improving this often starts outside of the bedroom, where you can talk about your sexual needs in advance and without the pressure of performing there and then. That being said, communication in the bedroom can make a huge difference - even if it's just telling your partner to move a little to the left!
If you struggle to talk openly about sex, you may want to consider seeing a certified sex therapist to work through some of these problems and improve not just your sex life, but your relationship as a whole.
8. Do some role play
Role play is one of the most popular ways to spice things up in the bedroom and can be taken in an unlimited range of directions depending on what you and your partner find arousing. Maybe one of you has always had a thing for nurses, or often fantasies about being taken by a knight in shining armor - whatever your dream, you can usually bring it into your sexual reality with some amazing results!
That's the magic of role-play; because it's all about imagination, you can experiment with it however much or little you'd like!
If you want to take it to the next level, you can role-play for a full day or more in advance in the run-up to sex, or invest in kinky costumes to please your partner. That's the magic of role-play; because it's all about imagination, you can experiment with it however much or little you'd like!
9. Improve your oral sex technique
Most people have the basics down when it comes to giving blow jobs or eating out their partner, but there's always room for improvement! Whether oral sex is a part of foreplay or the main event in your relationship, there are always new ways to explore each other's bodies with different positions and techniques.
For instance, when giving a blowjob, try to vary the pressure of your lips and your tongue movements to tease and build excitement. Alternatively, if you're eating out your partner, let your hand enter the fray to give your partner an amazing range of simultaneous stimulations by penetrating with your fingers while paying their clitoris attention with your tongue.
10. Build anticipation
While spontaneous sex can be thrilling in the heat of the moment, there's a lot to be said for building up tension throughout the hours, days, or even weeks before. People in long-distance relationships or couples who don't live together might find sexting or sending nudes prior to their next meetup effective ways to make the sex you eventually have all the more satisfying.
It might be difficult, but if you can pull it off, the wave of sexual tension will break into an earth-shattering orgasm!
If you want to take it a step further and live together, you could even try edging each other in the bedroom throughout the week before you finally climax on a chosen day. It might be difficult, but if you can pull it off, the wave of sexual tension will break into an earth-shattering orgasm!
11. Do temperature play
Temperature play is exactly what it sounds like bringing different extremes of heat into the bedroom as part of foreplay to provide new sensual experiences and arouse you and your partner.
One of the most popular ways to utilize heat is in the shower or bath, where you can play with different water temperatures and use the showerhead for a sensual massage. Many couples also enjoy using massage candles, which allow you to pour hot wax and oil on your partner at a safe temperature (don't just use a normal candle for this purpose!)
You can even heat things up by bringing in the cold - running an ice cube over your partner's torso, and paying attention to their nipples, can provide an amazing sensation, especially if they're blindfolded. You can even place an ice cube into your mouth while performing oral sex to give them some bold new sensations!
12. Get kinky (if you both are Ok with it)
Depending on what you and your partner are interested in, you can always spice things up by bringing a hint (or a lot) of kink into the mix. If that sounds scary, don't feel put off right away - it isn't all chains and whips, and there's plenty you can bring in on the softer end of kink to whet your appetite.
In fact, you might even be engaging in some elements of kink already and not realize it!
For example, you might want to try soft restraints or commands with a safe word if you're interested in exploring BDSM, or some dirty talk to really ramp up your sexual communication before you branch out into anything more intense.
Kinky sex isn't for everybody, and you should always discuss kinks with your partner well in advance of introducing them into your sexual routine, but if you go in with a broad mind and plenty of communication, you can fling open the doors to some exhilarating new experiences.
Whether you're single and seeing multiple people or regularly having sex with the same partner (or partners), there's always a way of making sex more fresh, exciting, and satisfying for everybody involved. If you're starting to feel bored by your own sex life, there's a massive range of options at your disposal to inject some energy and excitement back into every encounter.
Spicing things up is also great for couples in a long-term relationship who are struggling to have more sex in their regular routine - quality always trumps quantity, and even if your sex is infrequent, you can make it count!
Spicing things up is also great for couples in a long-term relationship who are struggling to have more sex in their regular routine.
You don't have to start incorporating everything on this list by any means, but just considering one or two of the ideas we've talked about here could work wonders for your sex life without much effort on your end.
We hope you found some inspiration here to start spicing up your sex life - here's to exciting, satisfying sex for everyone!
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