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How to Give Her an Orgasm: 14 Actionable Tips for Men
By Danny GarrettAugust 16, 2024 16 min readUpdated:August 20, 2024
Despite what some men try to claim, the female orgasm is indeed a real thing. It can take a little more time for people with vaginas to climax as opposed to those of us with penises, but it's certainly possible - and amazing. Anyone who claims otherwise might need a few pointers when it comes to helping women reach orgasm - so we're here to help.
A German study found that only between 30 and 60 percent of women surveyed had an orgasm during straight sexual encounters - a lot less than the 70 to 100 percent of men. Whether this is the result of men not knowing what to do - or simply not taking the time to try - this is a gap that, as men, we can help to close.
Here, we've listed some of the best tips to improve your techniques and start giving your female sexual partners way more orgasms. Regardless of how experienced you are, you can always do something to improve - so have a read, and find out where you can step up your game.
1. Learn her anatomy and erogenous zones
You need to know what you're working with to be able to successfully give your partner an orgasm. This doesn't just apply to her genitals either; you need to know the location of your partner's other erogenous zones - areas of her body that, when touched, can boost arousal and assist with orgasms.
Let's start with the genitals though.
First, you've got the vulva - this is the external part. Included here are the vaginal entrance, the labia major, and labia minora (the outer and inner lips), and the clitoris.
Then you've got the internal part which includes two spots perfect for stimulation - the g-spot which is a couple of inches inside, and the a-spot which is a couple of inches deeper.
The clitoris, g-spot, and a-spot are the most erogenous zones out of those we've listed. Others include the rest of the vulva, the mouth, ears, neck, nipples, breasts, palms and fingertips, inner thighs, butt, and anus. These are some of the most common, but there can be many more - it depends on your partner, so be sure to ask them.
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How to take that to the next level
Tailor your stimulation to the specific erogenous zone - you don't necessarily want to be spanking your partner's ears or squeezing her mouth. Certain areas are perfect for kissing or nibbling, such as the nipples, ears, and mouth. Others work better for squeezing and grabbing, such as her butt or boobs. Don't be shy, and if you're unsure, ask your partner for pointers.
2. Improve your fingering technique
In most cases, it's not a great idea to dive in guns blazing with three stiff fingers. Your fingers, since they're much more dextrous than a sex toy or your penis, are one of your greatest tools when it comes to the female orgasm, but your fingering technique needs to be on point for the best results.
Start off basic if you're looking to improve. Have your partner lie down on her back with her legs slightly apart - this will make it easier for you. Lube up thoroughly, and slowly start by inserting either one or two fingers (middle, or middle and ring finger) facing upwards.
As you enter, curl your fingers slightly - make sure they're pointing upwards towards her belly button.
Now it's time for some movement - we'd recommend moving your hand up and down, as this will allow you to hit the g-spot with your inserted fingers, and use your palm (or even thumb) to stimulate the clit.
If you're unsure of how far to insert your fingers, the g-spot is usually 2-4 inches inside. It's on the front wall of the vagina, which is why you need to curl your fingers upwards.
How to take that to the next level
Try out what many refer to as a "come hither" motion once you can successfully insert your fingers properly, and have got the up and down movements figured out. This motion can make it even easier to stimulate your partner's g-spot, which feels a little spongier than the other parts of their vagina. This is a bit more intense, so be sure your partner is ready - foreplay is key.
3. Explore different positions during the session
All sex positions are pleasurable - that's the main reason we have it, other than procreation of course. However, the sex positions that are going to encourage your partner to orgasm are the ones where you're able to stimulate their g-spot or clitoris during penetration.
Luckily there are a few simple and common sex positions that can help you stimulate both of these areas.
Doggy style and cowgirl are great for g-spot stimulation, and missionary is pretty good for clitoral stimulation, as you can use your pubic area to grind against hers. These aren't the most accurate, but they're some of the easiest to pull off.
How to take that to the next level
Once you've got the simple positions sorted, why not try out some more advanced positions? Advanced positions can make it even easier for your partner to cum, so it's definitely worth trying to get your head around them.
The lotus position, where you sit cross-legged while your partner lowers down onto your penis (or strap-on), wrapping their legs around your waist, allows you to hit the g-spot easier and grind for clitoral stimulation at the same time. Take your time to figure this one out - both clitoral orgasm and vaginal orgasms are worth your patience.
4. Don't try to rush things
It's a bit of a cliche to say at this point, but sex is a marathon, not a sprint - especially when it comes to the female orgasm. What people mean by this, is that there's really no need to rush things - in fact, the opposite is often more pleasurable.
This applies to both foreplay and penetrative sex. We know this guide is about helping your partner orgasm, but orgasms are only part of the fun of sex - there are really no disadvantages to drawing out the pleasure, as it usually means that you and your partner will experience more of it.
It's a bit of a cliche to say at this point, but sex is a marathon, not a sprint - especially when it comes to the female orgasm.
We know you want to give your partner an orgasm, but don't focus solely on that - focus on getting them as aroused as possible and providing as much pleasure as possible. This is useful advice for your partner too - some people find that the harder they think about cumming, the more difficult it gets. Take your time, build tension, and enjoy the ride.
How to take that to the next level
This may sound counter-intuitive to this guide, but it can sometimes help to not focus on orgasms at all. Removing the pressure of orgasm can be very freeing and help it happen naturally, with the help of some of the other tips we've mentioned in this guide, of course.
Oh, and don't keep asking your partner how close she is over and over - while we're big supporters of dirty talk, asking for constant updates during a sexual encounter can be off-putting, which is the last thing you want.
5. Consider some anal play
The anus, both outside and in, is home to a lot of nerve endings and connections to the genitals. This makes it possible for anyone to orgasm (or at least be assisted in having an orgasm) regardless of whether or not they have a prostate. While the p-spot can result in powerful anal sensations for those of us with penises, anyone with a vagina can also experience anal pleasure.
Before going anywhere near your partner's butthole, ask them if they're ok with it - you don't want to shock them.
Once you get the all-clear, you should also ask what they're actually comfortable with, as there are many ways to involve their anus. We'd suggest starting by using a finger. Start externally before slowly moving to internal stimulation if they're interested - both can be a lot of fun, but internal stimulation is a much bigger step.
Don't just stick to the anus though - as we mentioned earlier, the butt is a common erogenous zone. Grabbing and spanking are both great ways to add additional pleasure during all kinds of sex - but once again, make sure your partner is ok with this beforehand.
How to take that to the next level
Anal sex toys are designed for anal pleasure and can be used by anyone. Some of them, such as butt plugs, provide a satisfying sensation of pressure and fullness, while dildos are intended to stimulate through thrusting. Once you and your partner are used to using fingers, we'd suggest anal toys as the next step - start small to begin with though.
If you're both up for it, you could even use your tongue to stimulate their anus - yep, we're talking about eating ass. This can be super pleasurable - it's basically the anal version of going down on them - and it's still a bit more of a taboo than other kinds of anal play, which can make it
more tantalizing. You can't really do this during penetrative sex, but you could try it during fingering.
6. Stimulate her clitoris in different ways
A 2017 study found that twice as many women were able to orgasm with clitoral stimulation than with vaginal penetration alone - the vaginal orgasm is just a little trickier. Involving clitoral stimulation is basically a cheat code when it comes to the female orgasm, but you still need to know what you're doing and be able to mix it up when you need to.
You have a lot of options that you can use to stimulate your partner's clit. You could use your fingers to gently stroke around the clit to build sexual tension before touching it directly - this can feel very intense, so keep it slow and light to begin with. This kind of stimulation can also be done with sex toys. Going down on your partner and using your tongue to stimulate their clit can also be super pleasurable - oral sex can work wonders.
How to take that to the next level
Don't just stick to one kind of movement or stimulation pattern, and don't just stick to one method. You can rub the clit, tap it, circle it, give it a soft pinch... Different sex toys also do different things - vibrations are a trusty favorite, and toys that suck that clit have become very popular.
You can even use your pubic area to grind against it during penetration. Some sex positions help make this a lot easier, such as missionary. Your partner can also stimulate their own clit during penetration if they'd prefer - most women are very familiar with clitoral orgasms.
7. Improve your foreplay game
You need to be involving foreplay, and you need to be good at it. Foreplay is great for building arousal both physically and mentally, both of which are necessary if you want to give your partner a great orgasm.
One easy way to improve your foreplay is by taking your time. Don't necessarily go as slow as possible, but allow some time for tension and anticipation to build higher and higher, which eventually makes release easier, and often more intense. This goes for your orgasms too.
Also, be sure to involve a wide range of erogenous zones. Some men like to zero in on one or two, but you've got all these portals to arousal at your disposal, so it's silly not to use them. Use your hands and mouth to touch, caress, and tease, and be sure to multitask by involving multiple zones at once.
How to take that to the next level
If you can, start with the foreplay before you get to the bedroom. Talk to your partner, give compliments, and make suggestions. Keeping things seductive and sexy can help here, but you don't have to be super serious. Have some fun with it and start to build the anticipation before you're both undressed and in bed.
8. Talk to her about what turns her on
Talking about sex can be embarrassing even when you're in a long-term relationship with the person you're having it with. However, talking to your partner about what they like and what they want can help you make sure you're doing the right thing, as well as being a turn-on in and of itself. Both of which can help you give her an orgasm.
If you're not yet having sex, it can help to just be straight up about it.
Ask her what she's into, and what she wants you to do. Ask her how she wants to be stimulated, and ask her how she stimulates herself. The more you talk about this stuff, the easier it gets, which will help in the future - it's a positive cycle.
You can also ask questions while you're doing it, but be careful not to bombard her with them - this can put her off and push that orgasm further away. Occasionally asking if she likes what you're doing, if you're hitting the right spot, or if another activity or position would get her closer can all be appropriate questions during sex - but try and make it horny if you can.
How to take that to the next level
If you really need help, ask your partner exactly what she wants. You don't have to phrase it just like that, but you want to find out exactly what turns them on. The more knowledge you have of their turn-ons and turn-offs, the better equipped you'll be, and the easier you'll find it to take initiative without asking in the future.
9. Improve your kissing
Kissing is very important for sex, and it also helps reduce stress - so it pays to get good at it. The lips are an erogenous zone, which works in tandem with kissing's stress-reducing properties, making it a fantastic activity for boosting arousal, which can help lead to orgasms.
People are often a bit too eager to get to the heavy, sloppy kissing, which can be fair enough when you both know that sex is on the cards. However, try to hold back just a little - once again, you want there to be tension. Keep things slow and light at first, and enjoy taking the time to allow things to naturally ramp up.
Make sure your mouth is nice and relaxed while kissing, the softer the better.
You want to be able to increase pressure and react to increases in pressure yourself - which can be hard if all your facial muscles are tensed and hard. Additionally, be sure to keep your tongue in check. Be conservative and light if you do use your tongue - you want it to feel more like a feather than a fish.
How to take that to the next level
Break up your lip kisses by focusing your attention on other body parts. We've listed a lot of erogenous zones already - these areas are prime kissing locations if you're looking to boost arousal. Among other places, we'd recommend kissing your partner's neck, collarbones, jaw, and on and around the ears. There are many more great locations to kiss - ask them if they have any preferences - but you generally can't go wrong with those.
10. Consider dirty talking
Dirty talk is something that people can be hesitant to try. Some people seem to think that they simply couldn't pull it off - but that's nonsense. Anyone can successfully talk dirty, and it's a good thing too, as dirty talk can increase intimacy, tension, and arousal.
You don't necessarily have to be super suave, nor do you have to overload your dirty talk with demands or curse words.
A good way to start is by describing what you're doing to them, regardless of whether you're at the undressing stage, or whether you're already inside them. You can also describe what you'd like them to do - it goes both ways.
If you really get stuck, just give your partner compliments, or tell them how much you enjoy having sex with them. You can also always ask them if there are specific things they'd like to hear during sex.
How to take that to the next level
Be enthusiastic, and speak with some urgency. Anything you can say that lets your partner know that you want them right this instant is almost always a turn-on. It's great to know that you're wanted, and even more so when it's said with some desperation. Be urgent with your words, but not necessarily your actions - let them have some time to give you feedback.
11. Incorporate sex toys
Taking orgasms to the next level often all but requires the use of specialist tools - by which, of course, we mean sex toys. Obviously, it is possible help your girl orgasm without using toys, but if you're struggling, or would like to take her orgasms even further, the right toys can work wonders.
Standard toys without any advanced features can be great, especially since they can be ergonomically designed to stimulate specific areas with physical pressure. However, your fingers and even tongue are going to be much more dextrous than most standard toys.
What we'd actually recommend opting for is a vibrator, as they can be much more stimulating.
Vibrators come in all shapes and sizes, so whatever kind of shape your partner is interested in, we can guarantee you'll be able to find a suitable toy - it doesn't necessarily have to be penis-shaped. Opt for a toy with multiple vibration settings, as you want to be able to work up from gentle to intense - too intense right at the start can be a bit overwhelming.
How to take that to the next level
Different toys can target different areas - some focus vibrations internally, making them better at stimulating the g-spot or a-spot, whereas some are designed to focus on the clitoris. We'd suggest, if you can justify it, acquiring a few different sex toys to make the most of all your partner's erogenous zones. Vaginal and clitoral toys are a fantastic combo that can make orgasms a walk in the park.
12. Don't forget the lube
Lube is necessary for making sex more comfortable and smooth, and research backs up that it also just makes sex feel better. All of this stuff can contribute to making orgasms easier to achieve for your partner - which is why you need to be using lube whenever you can.
It doesn't even really matter what exactly you're doing - lube is great for vaginal sex, absolutely necessary for anal sex, and can even help with external stimulation, oral, and fingering. When you use lube, you can speed up the kind of stimulation you're giving, allowing you to provide a lot more pleasure while things remain nice and comfortable for your partner.
Some people like to claim that if your partner is adequately turned on, you shouldn't need to use lube - but this is rarely the case. While it's true that vaginas produce natural lubrication, some produce a lot more than others - and using additional lube is always going to make things more slippery, and more comfortable.
How to take that to the next level
Consider using different varieties of lube. When you start out, we'd recommend sticking to simple, water-based lube, but once you've got some experience, give some other lubes a try.
Some lubes are much more slippery, such as silicone-based lubes. These can increase speed and comfort even more but can be incompatible with sex toys and condoms. Some other lubes provide different effects, such as tingling, heating, or cooling sensations - these can give a lot of additional sexual pleasure.
Whatever you do, always check the label to make sure the ingredients are safe for you and your partner's bodies, and work for whatever it is you're trying to do.
13. Improve your nipple play
Research has found that the areas of the brain that activate through nipple stimulation overlap the areas that activate through genital stimulation. To oversimplify a little, this means that the brain considers nipple and genital stimulation to be more or less the same - meaning if you're not already playing with your partner's nipples during sex, you should be.
We've already discussed that nipples are an erogenous zone, but many women find that they're one of the best - with some being able to orgasm from nipple stimulation alone. Just like other erogenous zones, nipples and breasts are perfect for stroking, squeezing, licking, and kissing - as long as your partner is fine with this.
The nipples can be very sensitive, so it can help to ask your partner if they've enjoyed nipple play before, and if so, what kind of stimulation they prefer.
If they're interested but not particularly experienced, keep it light at first, focusing on the breasts and areas around the nipple before directing your attention to the nipples in particular.
How to take that to the next level
Don't just partake in nipple play during foreplay. Though it can be fantastic foreplay thanks to its capacity for boosting arousal, nipple play is very easy to do during the majority of penetrative sex, and lots of other sexual acts such as fingering and oral.
Additionally, don't focus all of your attention on your partner's nipples just because you know they like it. Alternating between erogenous zones can be a great way to build tension and keep them wanting more - it'll feel all the better for them when you do get back to the nipples.
14. Create a sexy environment
Finally, before you get down to anything, you need to set the mood. Now, a sexy environment isn't going to make your partner cum on its own - unless they're really, really into scented candles - but it can work wonders when it comes to getting into the right headspace. This is especially true if they've had a stressful day.
Disregarding any niche fetishes, you probably want to be doing it in a clean room, so clear out any trash and cups and glasses from the night before, and make sure the floor isn't showing off any dirty laundry. Now that's sorted, you can focus on creating a romantic, sexy environment, and a great way to do this is by focusing on the senses.
Lighting is important - think of sexy scenes in movies. We'd recommend dimming the lights if you can, or turning them off, and lighting a candle or two.
Joking aside, scented candles can indeed be a turn-on, depending on the scent, so don't discount them. Music can also help set the mood. We'd also suggest involving lingerie or any other clothing you and your partner find sexy to look at and touch.
How to take that to the next level
Don't be afraid to mix it up. There's nothing wrong with a tried and tested routine that gets both of you in the right mood, but doing everything the same every single time can lead to things becoming stale. Every now and then change up the lighting, the scents, the music, the clothing, and anything else you involve. You don't have to change everything each time, maybe just one element per session.
One great way to change up your routine is by starting things off with a sensual massage. You don't need to be a pro for this - just acquire some massage oil, or even some suitable lube, and slowly caress them anywhere they find pleasurable. This can be a massive turn-on for both of you - it's hard for a sexy massage not to lead to some great sex.
How to Give Her an Orgasm: Summary
So there you have it. We believe all of these tips are very valuable, and increase your chances of giving your partner an orgasm - even the tips that don't involve any kind of stimulation. The female orgasm can take a little more effort to achieve, both on your end and your partner's, but this doesn't have to be a problem - it tends to just involve having longer and more romantic sessions of sex.
If we had to sum all of the tips in this article up in one sentence, we'd say make sure to take your time, build sexual and romantic tension, focus on what you know will increase arousal, and make use of all the available tools. Take all of this advice on board, see what works, and you're on your way to being an orgasm-giving machine.
Interested in pleasing her?
Check our guides on sex positions, tips and tricks to become a master of pleasure:
- 12 Best Sex Positions for Female Orgasm
- 8 Best Romantic Sex Positions
- The Ultimate Guide to Fingering a Woman: 11 Tips from our Sex Experts
- How to Orgasm Together: A Guide to Simultaneous Orgasms
- How to Make Sex More Fun: 12 Tips to Spice Up Sex
- 20 Best Anal Sex Positions for Couples
- 19 Best Foreplay Tips and Ideas for Men
