It seems fair to say that most men are somewhat interested in the concept of anal sex - if not completely obsessed with the idea! Unlike vaginal intercourse, an interest in anal is something that persists regardless of sexuality and sexual preference. With the addition of sex toys, all men can have the experience of being both the giver and the receiver!
However, being interested in anal sex is not the same as being prepared for it. Though there are many joys that come with anal, there are also several risks - pain being the most obvious one! These risks are even worse for beginners and first-timers, as they are usually the least informed, and don't have any valuable personal experience to base their actions upon.
Anal sex that is comfortable and pleasurable is something everyone - even beginners - can achieve, with the right preparation.
If you're one of these beginners, what you need is some kind of resource containing numerous tips, all geared towards ensuring your first time is a good time. As luck would have it, you happen to be reading one right now! Here, we've collated 20 tips that are useful for those who are new to anal, as well as those with experience - it's always possible to have better anal sex. There are tips for people on both ends too - whether you're being penetrated, or you're the one doing the penetrating, we know you'll find something helpful here.
Just because there are certain things you need to be aware of, that doesn't mean you should fret about your first time. Anal sex that is comfortable and pleasurable is something everyone - even beginners - can achieve, with the right preparation. If you're ready to take the plunge, read on!
1. Make sure to use plenty of lube
Lube is always a welcome addition to any kind of sex, but when it comes to anal sex in particular, it's an absolute must. Unlike the vagina, the anus doesn't self-lubricate - at least not to a degree where it's particularly useful! At any rate, if you want anal to be a comfortable experience for both you and your partner, you can never really use too much lube!
The only thing to keep an eye on with lube is what it's made out of, as lubes based on oil can sometimes interact badly with latex condoms. Working out which lube is the best for your needs is key to keeping everything safe and fun!
Silicone-based lube is particularly good for anal, as it stays slippery for a long time, and is much more cushioning than water-based.
2. Spend some time on foreplay
No matter how eager you are, rushing into anal sex is never going to end well - which is why foreplay is super important. The more aroused the receiver is the better, as arousal helps muscles relax, including the sphincter. Any kind of foreplay will do - the goal here is to be as aroused as possible, so go nuts!
3. Communicate with your partner at all times
Communication before and even during sex is a fantastic way for your partner to let you know if what you're doing is working, and vice versa. This is especially the case with anal sex, as if anyone does something wrong, things can get uncomfortable and even painful! Deciding on a safe word can also be useful since you can't always be sure whether moans and groans are positive or negative.
If it's your first time (and even if not), it's a great idea to discuss what you actually plan to do before you do it. If you (or your partner) have any worries, it's best to air them out before actually getting down to business. The same goes for any expectations - make sure you both know what you're getting into to avoid any unpleasant surprises!
Deciding on a safe word can also be useful since you can't always be sure whether moans and groans are positive or negative. Agreeing on an obvious safe word is a good way to ensure that whatever you're doing, you can stop quickly and safely and prevent any accidents.
Explore the World of sexual intimacy and relationship with your partner
Start your journey to a more fulfilling connection with these informative reads.:
- How to Increase your Sexual Stamina: 10 Tips to Last Longer In Bed
- How to Make Sex More Fun: 12 Tips to Spice Up Sex
- 8 Best Romantic Sex Positions (With Illustration + Tips)
- How to Improve Sexual Performance After 50: Best 12 Proven Tips
- What is Maintenance Sex? 7 Tips to Improve Married Sex
- How long is Too Long Without Sex In a Relationship
- 16 Ideas to Reinitiate Sex in a Sexless Marriage
- The Ultimate Guide to Fingering a Woman: 11 Tips from our Sex Experts
- 19 Best Foreplay Tips and Ideas for Men
4. Keep on breathing
This one is mainly aimed at the receiver. It's common to feel the need to hold your breath as you're being penetrated, due to the feeling of pressure. Unfortunately, holding your breath at this time can cause your muscles to tense and tighten at a crucial moment, which can contribute to making the experience painful. Always remember to keep your breathing steady, focusing on relaxation - this will help ensure you have a comfortable time.
5. Be prepared for occasional farting or queefing
Farts and queefs are gonna happen, and there's not really that much you can do about it! While you're having anal sex, the air is getting forced into the anus, and at one point or another, that air is going to be released, resulting in a queef.
Though they sound similar, queefs are not farts - though, it is quite common to fart, or at least feel like you need to fart, after anal.
In the heat of the moment, you might not even notice the sound of a fart or queef, but if you do, it's best to simply ignore it, or laugh it off depending on the mood! Additionally, anal queefs can happen a lot longer after sex than vaginal queefs, so there's a chance you'll be reminded of your session for a couple of hours afterward!
6. Consider Anal Training
Just like how you shouldn't rush into anal without foreplay, you also shouldn't rush into it if whoever is on the receiving end has never... well, received anything before! Anal toys are the best way to safely practice and prepare for anal sex, and there are even dedicated anal training kits available that contain numerous butt plugs of different sizes, allowing the perfect stretch to be slowly but surely achieved!
There is a wide variety of different anal sex toys that can help your sphincter stretch over time.
Some are tapered for easy insertion and stretching, and some have lumps, bumps, and ridges that get bigger and bigger. Whatever you choose, take your time, and don't forget the lube!
7. Look into different positions
While it can be useful for first-timers to have the receiver be in control of how exactly they're being penetrated, advice on whether the receiving partner should be on top is conflicting. Positioning yourselves so the receiver is on top lets them do most of the work, controlling how deeply and quickly they are being penetrated (which is also useful if the person doing the penetrating is nervous or unsure), but being on top could also cause the pelvic floor to tense, tightening the sphincter of the receiver, which is something you ideally want to avoid!
Ultimately it's best to go with a position where both of you feel comfortable. Missionary, doggy style, and spooning are common anal sex positions, but to make it even easier, having the receiver lie on their back on the edge of the bad, with the giver between their legs, propping said legs up with either hands or shoulders, can help relax the right muscles.
8. Don't let porn influence your expectations
The way anal is depicted in porn is definitely not always something that can safely be emulated in real life. You may have seen porn where the guy is seriously going way too hard on some poor woman's butt - this is generally considered a pretty terrible idea.
At best, pounding away with reckless abandon could cause some real discomfort, and at worst it could cause some serious damage - either way, not fun!
Having a pleasurable and comfortable time during anal, especially for beginners, is all about taking the time to relax and prepare, and moving slowly and carefully while always ensuring that both you and your partner are having a good time. The main goal here is pleasure after all - if you see something being done that you wouldn't consider fun for yourself, there's a decent chance your partner wouldn't either!
9. Make sure you wash your genitals/butt both before and after
One of the things that some people find unsettling when it comes to anal is the hygiene aspect, and how there's a chance you might come into contact with poop. Poop simply comes with the territory, and while you're unlikely to encounter a whole lot of it, it's completely normal and natural to come across a little.
The best way to avoid any unwanted encounters with poop is to empty your bowels around an hour beforehand, and take a good shower, or simply clean your external anal area with either soapy water or baby wipes. Some people recommend an enema or anal douching for an extra deep clean, and while these work for some, they aren't always necessary.
If you do happen to run into a little poop, don't freak out - a shower will make everything good as new.
Cleaning your butt (or genitals depending on whether you were giving or receiving) both before and after anal sex allows you to keep everything hygienic and focus on pleasure!
10. Know your anatomy
Having a good understanding of the penis can be beneficial for everyone with one (and even everyone without!) but if you're interested in anal sex, you also need to be somewhat familiar with the anatomy of the anal area. Let's go over the anatomy involved with anal!
The external and internal anal sphincter muscles
It's worth mentioning that people assigned male at birth also have a prostate - a walnut-sized gland that is found around 2 to 3 inches into the rectum. Prostate stimulation can result in intense orgasms - it's known as the male G-spot for a reason!
11. Do some solo exploration first
Practicing on your own is a brilliant way to relieve some of the pressure of being on the receiving end of anal sex. It also helps you figure out what you like the feeling of, and what you don't like as much - this is all helpful to tell your partner prior to giving anal sex a go. Solo anal play can be done with a finger, or with anal sex toys such as a butt plug, dildo, and even anal beads - just take your time, and ensure you're using a lot of lube!
Furthermore, solo exploration can also be a learning experience if you're the giver - the one doing the penetrating. Having an idea of what your generous partner might be feeling during anal sex can help you empathize with them, which might just prevent you from going a little too hard and fast!
12. Start slowly
This tip applies to all kinds of anal play, whether you're using a finger, a toy, or a penis - always take it slow at first! If you're all lubed up, it may be tempting to just go for it, but you really need to ease into anal sex in order to avoid the most discomfort.
Even if you're involving anal stimulation in your foreplay, take it nice and easy.
Gently rubbing and massaging the anus helps the muscles relax before penetration, but even when it's time for that, start out with just the tip, keeping things slow and steady. It's a lot more comfortable this way, and can be more sensual too!
13. Use protection
Using a condom during anal sex helps protect against STDs, the spread of nasty bacteria from the bowels, and surprise pregnancies. Anal sex actually increases the risk of contracting an STI (especially in women), and the bacteria found in the bowels (and in poop) can also cause infections - so using a condom is extremely necessary.
Pregnancy is highly unlikely, but it is possible for someone to get pregnant due to semen leaking out and into the vagina as the penis is removed from the anal opening. All these reasons mean there's really no reason not to use a condom - it can be even beneficial to use a condom on a toy during solo play to make cleaning up a little easier!
14. Try to stay relaxed and enjoy the experience
For the receiver, staying relaxed in both your mind and your body really is key to having a good time during anal. The main reason for this is that keeping relaxed helps prevent your anal muscles from tensing and making everything much more uncomfortable.
Uncomfortable sex tends to be far less enjoyable than comfortable sex!
Getting into a relaxed state of mind and relaxing your body in the first place can be helped by easing into things with a lot of foreplay - this helps the receiver get as aroused as possible and encourages all the muscles to relax.
15. Try sex toys to make it more fun
Using sex toys is a fantastic way of spicing up any kind of sex, and anal is no exception! Toys come in all kinds of shapes and sizes with various bumps, ridges, and vibrational capabilities, and all these differences mean there really is something out there for everyone's unique preferences of sensation.
You can use an anal sex toy during foreplay, and could even consider an anal training kit (as we mentioned earlier) to help the receiver prepare and get used to the feeling of penetration, and figure out whether they actually like the feeling. One more tip - try to find a toy with a flared base, as since the anal canal is not closed, it's possible for a sex toy to get stuck, which is something best avoided!
16. Include other kinds of stimulation
You don't need to throw other kinds of stimulation out the window just because you're doing anal penetration. Stimulating your partner in other ways such as including their clit or vagina (or both!) during anal can make the entire thing even more pleasurable for them.
Of course, don't try to multitask too hard if you're unsure of your anal technique and need to focus on that, but once you've got that down, stimulating other areas of your partner at the same time adds new dimensions of pleasure to the experience!
17. Avoid going from anal to vaginal sex in the same session
Sexually transmitted infections (STIs) aren't the only kind that can come from anal sex. The bacteria that are found in poop can lead to all kinds of infections including bacterial vaginosis, urinary tract infections (UTIs), and yeast infections.
For this reason, DO NOT go from anal to vaginal penetration in the same session.
Honestly, it's best to just steer completely clear of it, but if you really must switch it up in this way, taking a break to have a thorough clean is absolutely vital to prevent the spread of bacteria. Also, it may go without saying, but this also applies to going from anal to oral sex - just don't!
18. STOP if it's hurting you or your partner
Above all else, you have to listen to what your body is telling you - it knows when something is up! Any pain that is getting in the way of you or your partner having a good time is a red flag and means you should stop what you're doing, evaluate the situation, and make changes as necessary.
Under no circumstances should anyone try to push through the pain - it'll probably just end up getting worse.
A lot of the time when it comes to anal, pain is the result of not enough preparation, not enough relaxation, or not enough lube. There's also the size of the penetrating object to throw into the mix. It's super important to take the time to relax your muscles with foreplay, to ease into penetration with a smaller object like a finger, and to use a lot of lube. Anything less than this can lead to anal fissures - small but painful tears in the lining of the intestines.
Some people assume that pain is a normal part of the experience, but the truth is that this isn't the case. Under no circumstances should anyone try to push through the pain - it'll probably just end up getting worse. The same goes for bleeding - it's important to not push onward hoping the bleeding will stop. Instead, stop what you're doing and focus on trying to relax. If any bleeding or pain doesn't stop, seek out some help from a doctor or other medical professional.
19. Avoid numbing creams
Since this list is mainly aimed at beginners, this one is quite important. Numbing creams do exactly what it sounds like - they numb the area they're applied to (in this case that's the anus) and prevent the receiver from feeling any pain.
However, as we mentioned earlier, pain is a red flag from your body, and is a good sign that you need to stop what you're doing.
If you can't feel this pain, you might not know if any serious damage has been done until it quite literally comes back to bite you in the ass!
20. If you don't like it, don't do it
This applies to people who have given anal a go and didn't like the sensation, as well as people who simply don't find the idea of it appealing. There's never any need to put up with something you dislike during sex unless it's something you actively want to keep trying with, for whatever reason.
The fact of the matter is that anal sex isn't for everyone, and you shouldn't expect switching up how you go about it to make a great deal of difference in your opinion. Not liking anal is completely fine and nothing to be ashamed about - there are plenty of other kinds of sex to try out!
Anal sex has the potential to be an intensely pleasurable experience for both you and your partner. Though there are certain risks involved and certain steps that need to be taken in order to ensure that you're both having a comfortable time, it's really not all that complicated when it comes down to it. It's all about staying safe, and there's a whole lot of common sense involved as well.
When you know you're staying safe and everyone is comfortable, it becomes a lot easier to focus on the unique sensations that come from anal
As long as you're always considering what you need to do to minimize discomfort and danger, you should be good to go. Are you being hygienic? Are you using enough lube? Are you taking it slow, communicating with your partner, and making sure all the right muscles are nice and relaxed? When you know you're staying safe and everyone is comfortable, it becomes a lot easier to focus on the unique sensations that come from anal, as well as include other methods of stimulating your partner even more!
It's really only as risky as you make it, and by following the advice in this article, you should be able to keep that risk to a minimum and make your first time having anal sex an unforgettable experience, for all the right reasons. Good luck!
New to Anal Sex? We have you covered.
Check out our guides to all-things anal sex:
We put in extensive effort to ensure that each blog post on our site delivers valuable and trustworthy information to our readers. These are our main focus areas:
- Human writing
- Exhaustive research and fact-checking
- Use of Reliable and Reputable Sources
- Collaboration with Experts