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How to Give a Sexy Massage: 11 Tips for Men

10 min read
How to Give a Sexy Massage: 11 Tips for Men

You don't have to be a professional massage therapist to give your partner a relaxing, sensual massage. With a little planning, care, and attention, you can deliver the provocative touches your partner craves, letting the slow strokes of your sexy massage linger over those too-often-neglected areas.

For many couples, a good massage is one of the most giving ways to show their partner how much they care, and when carried out well, it's an unbelievable foreplay practice that builds to sensationally slippery, sensitive sex.

If sensual massages can improve your relationship, just imagine what erotic massages can do for your sex life!

One study found that a mere ten-minute massage lowered the stress and increased the relaxation of participants. Wouldn't that be just the thing for your partner after a stressful day? And if ten minutes of massage is enough to relax them, imagine how they'd feel after half an hour's sensitive stroking and kneading.

A sensual or erotic massage relieves stress, lowers cortisol levels, creates calm, and releases oxytocin (the love hormone), which is necessary for bonding and building closeness. If sensual massages can improve your relationship, just imagine what erotic massages can do for your sex life!

1. Set the mood

For some, clearing the junk of everyday life out of the bedroom will remove the distractions that could ruin a wonderful massage experience. However, for the more adventurous, creating a scene that represents your partner's favorite roleplay is truly next-level.

You'll unlikely have a massage table at home, so feel free to set up on your bed, spread blankets on the floor, or anywhere else the mood may take you.

Top massage tips for setting the mood

  • Use clean, fresh bed linen, soft sheets, and pillows. Include a spare sheet to cover your partner's body during the early massage stages.

  • Clear and clean the room of clutter.

  • Create a romantic ambiance with soft lighting, scented candles, a diffuser, or burning incense. To create soft lighting, if you haven't got candles, tastefully drape a sheer scarf over a lamp (safely).

  • Ensure the correct room temperature for your partner's preference.

  • Turn off phones and devices to ensure your intimate experience isn't interrupted. Play soft, soothing, or meditation-style playlists.

  • Wear clothes or underwear that show you've made your best effort to look the part. Also, clean your teeth and apply a soft scent; you'll be very close to your partner, so ensure you smell good for them.

    2. Start with a warm-up

    Now that you've set the mood with the special touches your partner will cherish, you can do a few more things to enhance your sensual massage before delivering those lovingly administered, soft-rubbing, long strokes.

    Top massage tips for a sensual warm-up

    • Connect with your partner before the massage with a glass of their favorite wine.

    • Take a bath together, filled with their favorite scents and bubbles.

    • Start by using only your fingertips, slowly applying sensual touch, soft tickling their skin.

    3. Take your time

    This is the golden rule of all massages, but especially for sexy, sensual massages.

    A hurried massage only shows how little you care.

    Diving straight into your partner's intimate areas shows that you're only interested in getting to the main event as soon as possible and that their needs aren't important to you. We guarantee it makes all the difference, so take your time, treating every part of your partner's body in ways they're not used to.

    Top massage tips for taking your time

    • The longer you massage each area, the more time your partner has to enjoy the sensations and build arousal to your touch.

    • The longer you wait to touch your partner's most sensitive parts, the more aroused they'll be, and the more explosive it will be for them when you do.

    4. Slowly undress your partner

    Having a surprise beneath your robe could be a great way to show your partner the effort you're willing to go for them, especially if that surprise is being totally naked.

    If you think the only person benefitting from the massage is the receiver, think again. In this situation, undressing your partner will raise excitement and arousal for both, yet it doesn't stop there.

    This study, 'To give is better than to receive?' Couples massage significantly benefits both partners’ wellbeing, showed: 

    Emotional stress and mental clarity were assessed before and after mutual massage between each pair of adults belonging to a couple at home. While massage benefitted both parties’ wellbeing within a session, critically we found no differences in wellbeing between those ‘giving’ and ‘receiving’ massage.

    Top massage tips for undressing your partner

    • Slowly undress to your underwear while your partner watches.

    • When undressed, have them stand in front of you so you can sensitively and carefully undress them to their underwear, too. As you undress them, give soft kisses to their neck and hands.

    • As the massage builds intensity, read their body language to pick the perfect time to remove their underwear—and your own.

    5. Choose some lotions of massage oils

    Lotions and massage oils help your hands glide over your partner's body, creating a sexy, slippery touch for both of you.

    Top massage tips for using lotions and massage oils

    • Invest in a specialist massage oil that's suitable for an erotic massage. You'll be touching the most intimate body parts during a sensual massage, so it's essential to ensure they're suitable for the most sensitive spots on the body.

    • Coconut oil, jojoba oil, and sweet almond oil are good alternative options unlikely to irritate your partner's skin.

    • Ensure any oils to be used as lube or during penetration with fingers or sex toys are natural and suitable for sex. Research how your massage oils affect latex if they're going to come into contact with condoms.

    • Choose from essential oils that reflect your partner's favorite scents. Never  use undiluted essential oils, as they can irritate the skin. Mix a few drops with a carrier as directed.

    • Warm your chosen massage oil by rubbing it between your hands. Don't use too much too soon. Start with a small amount and add more as your hands dry out or you need more coverage.

    6. Learn the basics of massaging

    The neck and shoulders hold the most tension, so they're the perfect place to start your sensual massage. Starting at the neck is ideal, moving down to where the neck meets the shoulders and dropping slowly to the lower back.

    Paying extra attention to where the shoulder blade starts is a must, as it's a great way to work out the anxiety built up through the day.

    While you don't need to be an expert to deliver a sensual massage, there are benefits to learning simple skills, as this study, Effects of couples 'positive massage programme' on wellbeing, perceived stress and coping, and relation satisfaction, showed, when monitoring couples through a three-week massage course: 

    Massage is not only for therapy, but also for the healthy population to enhance mental wellbeing and provides coping skills and stress buffering effects.

    Top massage tips for learning the basics

    • Invest in a book that teaches key massage techniques, or explore YouTube videos for the best massage basics.

    • Use long strokes with gentle pressure at first. As you proceed, ask your partner about their pressure, placement, and movement preferences. Take your time – repeat each motion in each area for around 20 or 30 seconds. A well-delivered sensual massage is a marathon, not a sprint.

    • Make small or larger circular motions when massaging shoulders, necks, hands, and feet—or anywhere it will likely feel good. A professional massage therapist will heat their hands in a bowl of warm water to avoid shocking their clients. Doing the same will help you look like the part and build confidence.

    7. Start at the top, make your way downwards

    For those who'd like to go the extra mile, starting at the top of the body with a head massage is one area many thoroughly enjoy. If not right at the top of the head, try starting at the base of the skull when initiating your partner's fully immersive and sensual sexy massage.

    Top massage tips for direction and technique

    • This isn't the time for a deep-tissue massage, working painful knots out of sore muscles (unless they've told you that's what turns them on); it's a time for soft, sensitive strokes that show how much you care and provide relaxation.

    • Begin the massage with your partner laid on their front. Start at the top and work downwards, from the neck and shoulders to their back and lower back, moving next to their arms and legs.

    • Save massaging their butt and inner thighs as you work your way back up their legs, paying special attention to the back of the knees. You'd like your partner to feel good and completely relaxed before massaging any intimate or erogenous zones.

    • Next, have them turn over to lie on their back. Again, start with the neck and shoulders and work your way down, initially avoiding intimate areas and erogenous zones. Massaging the stomach is more sensual than you think, especially with a few delicate grazes along the pubic line. Those occasional brushes to groins, genitals, breasts, and sensitive areas will help stimulate arousal, turning your partner on.

    • If your aim is a romantic massage, work around the most sensitive areas and erogenous zones. If you're giving an erotic massage, now is the time to up your partner's massage experience.

    • Once they're truly relaxed and starting to feel the benefits of their sensual experience, move higher up their inner thighs or massage their breasts. From there, paying careful attention to your partner's response, you can concentrate on their genitals, butts, and breasts.

    • If the goal is to treat your partner to a relaxing massage after an appropriate amount of time (perhaps half an hour to 45 minutes) allow them time to lay still afterward for as long as they like.

    • If your goal is to use the massage as foreplay, take your partner's lead as to the perfect time to initiate sex, or keep administering your sexy massage until they orgasm.

    8. Create sexual tension

    Paying particular attention to every part of your partner's body will help them relax, but to create sexual tension, introduce a few sexy ideas to think about or gently, yet only occasionally, graze their more intimate parts to increase arousal.

    While a massage may start with your hands—using gentle touch and even pressure—there's nothing to stop you from adding a few more toys and tools to boost your partner's pleasure.

    Top massage tips for creating sexual tension

    • Use your tongue to massage personal areas when palms and fingers aren't quite enough. Blindfold or handcuff your partner to the bed to create an extra level of fantasy sex play.

    • Kiss and nibble at the earlobes and neck while massaging your partner's arms or back. Use every inch of your own body to slip and slide against your partner's.

    • Before starting the massage, ask your partner what their dream massage would include and how it would play out. To build the sexual tension, tell them you'll do all the things they crave when the time is right.

    9. Use different strokes

    Variety is the spice of life, so keep your sensual massage interesting by changing your technique as you go.

    Top massage tips for stroke technique

    • As discussed earlier, start with a light touch and add pressure if your partner wants it. Mixing between long, soft lines and small circular motions will provide variety and keep things interesting. Adding a few soft kisses, gentle blowing across the skin, and even a little delicate scratching will add some sexy sensations to your sensual massage.

    • Add gentle kneading, swirling strokes, and figure-of-8 movements to break typical up-and-down patterns.

    • Be confident with every stroke. If you're nervous or unsure about what you're doing, your partner will know and react to it. If you act confident, they'll be confident in you, too, and relax into the session far more readily.

    • When things heat up, you can bolster your massage techniques by adding a few of your favorite sex toys into the mix. While your partner will delight in the skin-on-skin connection, sometimes the most explosive climaxes come from mixing different types of stimulation at the same time.

    • When it comes to erotic massage techniques, oral sex can be considered one of the best 'hands-off' methods there is. If your sensual massage session leads to long and lingering oral for your partner, then so be it!

    10. Don’t forget the feet and hands

    While not considered the most sexual or sensual body parts, they both include nerve endings prone to stimulation and arousal. What woman doesn't love a foot massage? And just look at how much closer we feel to our partners simply by holding hands.

    Top massage tips for feet and hands

    • Despite some people finding their feet incredibly ticklish, many find it one of the most relaxing massages they can receive.

    • Pay attention to every area, from the fingers and toes to wrists and ankles.

    11. Talk through the massage

    A great, sexy massage—just like any other great sex—benefits wildly from great communication. Your partner might not feel comfortable delivering move-for-move instructions, so take the initiative and ask them if they enjoy the different acts.

    Even getting consent can be incredibly sexy when asked in the right way.

    Remember, the most important part of communication is paying close attention to what your partner wants through their words and body language.

    Top massage tips for sexy talk and communication

    • Talk your way through your basic moves in a soft and relaxing voice. Tell your partner you'd love them to tell you what they like, what they want more of, or what they'd like you to try at any point during the massage.

    • It's okay to feel a little embarrassed at first, saying things you might not usually say to each other. However, once the mood takes hold, and if you allow yourselves to relax into it, a little sexy or even dirty talk can raise the stakes significantly.

    • Ask questions about how good particular touches and techniques feel.

    • Move on to sexier questions, such as, "Would you like me to go higher?", "Would you like me to take your pants off?" and "Would you like me to use my whole body to massage yours now?"

    • Whisper sexy phrases about just how sexy you find every inch of your partner as you touch them.

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    A sexy massage is a great way to perk up the intimacy of your love and sex life. A sensual massage that both you and your partner will enjoy can bring you closer together, uncovering a new level of appreciation for each other, as well as lead to some of the most tantalizing foreplay and explosive climaxes.

    A sexy massage is a great way to perk up the intimacy of your love and sex life.

    Even the most sensitive and careful massage can lead to a wild, wonderful, slippery, and sensational sex session. When every inch of skin is catered to with your partner's favorite massage oil and a pair of warm, caring hands, stimulating touches, and suggestive talking, it's hard to imagine anyone not enjoying such a treat.

    Discover expert tips to enhance intimacy

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