Long-distance relationships can be tough. In today's society, we're lucky to have so many ways of keeping in regular contact, discussing the everyday things life throws at us, and reinforcing our emotional connections. But what about physically? Physical intimacy is generally the main difference between our friendships and romantic relationships, so how do we maintain appropriate levels of intimacy in a long-distance relationship?
Why is intimacy important? As humans, we have specific needs. Each day, we need food, water, and shelter; in our romantic relationships, we need trust, security, and intimacy. Intimacy keeps us connected in deeper ways, so a heightened level of sexual and emotional intimacy dictates the difference between those and our other friendships.
We crave intimacy, so when we don't have it, we'll try to find ways to satisfy that need.
When geography makes it impossible to achieve intimacy in person, we'll explore alternative ways to make our long-distance relationships sexually satisfying.
...which brings us to today's topic: long-distance relationship sex ideas. Our long-distance sex tips should help put you in the right frame of mind to enhance your romantic connections by keeping the sexual intimacy alive, wherever you are and however many miles are keeping you apart.
- Long-distance sex toys
- Videocall sex
- Sex tasks
- Sexy photos and videos
- Sharing porn scenes
- Sexy games
- Managing long-distance sexual desire
1. Try long-distance sex toys
The technology involved with long-distance sex toys—as you'd imagine in our ever-more connected world—has improved dramatically in recent years. As the Internet of Things (IoT) allows us more control of our everyday appliances, why not develop mutual sex toys that transcend physical distance to maintain our sexual connection?
The correct term for these wonderful toys is teledildonic (or cyberdildonic), but, for the majority, 'smart sex toys' is far less of a mouthful. Giving a partner control of your dildo, vibrator, masturbator, oral sex simulator, or prostate massager, whether via an app or syncing their own sex toy to yours, takes the pace of the action out of your own hands and places it into theirs.
The most intelligent of these long-distance sex toys link to your partner's to replicate pace and intensity.
So, as she ups the pace, pressure, and depth of her vibrator, he'll experience the uptake as his masturbator clenches tighter while the speed intensifies—and vice versa.
These Bluetooth and WiFi-enabled vibrators and masturbators add a genuine connection to long-distance sex, bolstering mutual masturbation sessions, phone sex, and more during any time of physical separation—and the best news is that there's plenty to choose from!
According to Bringing Sex Toys out of the Dark in Springer Nature publication, nearly half of US heterosexual men, over half of heterosexual women, and between 70% and 80% of LGBTQ+ people have used a vibrator at some point in their life, with sales booming during the COVID-19 pandemic. Isn't it time you and your partner joined them to discover what you've been missing?
From the introduction of text messaging, these simple messages have allowed lovers to stay connected 24/7 in swift and simple bursts. There are so many levels of texting and sexting, and with more ways than ever to communicate digitally, we're not limited to platforms, media types, or much else, to be honest.
Sexting is perfect for keeping things exciting in long-distance relationships.
It's a great way to spice things up and bring your deepest fantasies and sexual desires into the conversation where you might not be confident approaching those topics face-to-face.
Text chat can range from flirty messages to the most explicit pictures. We'll discuss consent and digital security in more detail later, but we strongly suggest you pick your sexting times carefully to avoid awkward, embarrassing, and ill-considered outcomes in inappropriate situations.
Alternatively, you can use a separate app or platform to differentiate between your flirty and dirty talk and your practical, essential, and meaningful conversations. When a notification from your 'sex app' appears, there'll be no surprises, as you'll know exactly what's coming.
When sexting, just like physical sex, it's far better to start slowly to build the mood.
It's even more important to warm the conversation up with a warning of what's likely to follow before sending the main feature. With notifications landing on our lock screens and with innocent bystanders too often peering over our shoulders, we have no way of knowing what situation could be unfolding for our partner, proving there is such a thing as a bad time.
When you've got the all-clear and are both on the same page, it's essential to know each other's limits and boundaries. Whether you're in the same room or not, consent is a must, and if either of you isn't comfortable exploring particular areas, that needs to be respected and kept off the table.
The devil's in the details – especially when all you've got to play with are your words
To trick to sexting is in the details. If you're in a text-based sex session, the deeper and dirtier the description, the more your partner has to work with. If you send nude pictures, naughty voice notes, and explicit videos, consider using an appropriate platform where all your messages are encrypted. You'd hate for your steamy photos to enter the public domain should there be a data breach.
According to research in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, long-distance relationship numbers are growing in today's society, and technology plays a key factor in keeping couples connected (see: Long-distance texting: Text messaging is linked with higher relationship satisfaction in long-distance relationships).
3. Videocall sex
Video chat apps have become one of the most utilized platforms for long-distance relationship sex. It's a huge step up from when phone sex was all that was available, and video sex has become a standard for those in long-distance relationships engaging in mutual masturbation, role-play games, and even long-distance date nights to increase intimacy and maintain a connection.
Facetime sex, Skype sex, or whichever platform you choose means an easy video call is always at your fingertips.
Whether you and your partner are up for a quickie while you both feel sexy or horny at the same time or whether you're making a night of it, building anticipation as you would in real life creates healthy sexual tension. Then, seeing each other's bodies while talking dirty and even describing and showing them everything you plan to do with them when you next see them is a huge turn-on.
Whether you use it as a base for future sexual encounters or an exclusive act, it's a fantastic opportunity to explore sexual intimacy and communication. Having the visuals while hearing a partner's voice is about as much stimulation as you can create without being in the same room.
Like so many of our long-distance sex options, treat remote sex as you would your physical sessions. Plan your dates; show that you care by ensuring everything's set to build mood and atmosphere. Introduce a little soft lighting, perhaps a candle here and there, and why not create a special sex playlist for when you're online together? Build up slowly, teasing and taking your time to get the most out of the anticipation, and while the sex will be the main event, don't forget the aftercare.
Spending time together afterward, when you're both satisfied, is the equivalent of cuddling.
A little pillow talk goes a long way to help build your romantic relationship as well as your sexual one, so why not keep your video call connection open while you both fall asleep?
If it's purely a hook-up session, why not role-play the call, working through your deepest sexual fantasies to keep the spark alive? Alternatively, if it's a date night, choose your clothing and prepare as you would for a physical date—get dressed up if that's your thing, or get dressed down if you're more about relaxing together than creating intensity.
Making an effort goes a long way to showing respect and care and building your emotional connection without the usual tools of physical touch.
4. Give each other sex tasks
Having a little sexy homework can do a lot for a couple's intimacy. Despite carrying these out solo, you're engaging in an activity set by your partner, suggesting trust and allowing them to take control. It might not appear that way at first, but control and consent are the pillars of BDSM, so even if that isn't quite your thing (yet!), sex tasks are a way to embrace the plus points without over-committing.
Tasks could include masturbating at a specific time (so you both engage in it together and separately), making sexy videos for each other, writing a list of fantasies and new things you'd like to try, or even sending naughty gifts (perhaps worn underwear or something for them to wear)—anything to keep each other connected and releasing a little sexual frustration.
5. Sexy photos and videos
Sexy means different things to different people—especially between men and women. This is another area where learning more about what turns your partner on is essential. While men tend to be more graphic, women tend to prefer something more creative or imaginative.
Sexy means different things to different people—especially between men and women
Keeping your most graphic parts covered can be sexier than putting them on show, and there'll also be times when you'd both love a video where nothing's left to the imagination. It's all about reading the mood. But as you get into sharing this type of material, it's essential to keep an eye on your data privacy and encryption—and whatever you do, make sure you never send them to the wrong phone number or email address!
6. Share porn scenes you like
If you're looking for new ways to get in the mood together, watching erotic movies and porn together can be a surefire way of making things interesting. You don't have to watch anything to the end; once you're both ready to go, let the heat take over and pour all your sexual energy on each other.
You can pick out your favorite porn scenes to watch together, introducing your sexual fantasies and creating an opportunity to get off on them together.
7. Sexy games
Without the obvious route physical intimacy provides, playing sexy games can build anticipation and tension and is a fun way to ease into the main event. Any game can be made sexy with a little imagination. Truth or Dare, Strip Poker (or Strip anything, to be honest), forfeits, exchanges, or even giving your partner a special striptease or virtual lap dance will add some fun and frivolity to keep that LDR sexual flame burning.
Couples apps and sex subscription boxes can take away the embarrassment factor
As an aside, there are plenty of couples apps, sex subscriptions, and boxed sex games available to buy and play. They're designed to hold high stakes and sexual outcomes while being novel and fun. This takes all the pressure off you to come up with the ideas and takes any embarrassment of introducing new things off the table.
Another kind of sex game is roleplay. You can play with all the traditional situations, but on a video call, engaging in situations that typically happen online can be a lot of fun.
If one of you is a little uncomfortable with the idea of roleplaying and the other isn't, why not let the confident partner take control and make it more of a performance piece than a shared event? A popular category on porn sites is JOI (jerk-off instruction), where, typically, the woman instructs the man on how she wants him to masturbate. These videos cover all kinds of situations with those women playing all kinds of roles. Between you and your partner, either can take the lead, playing a part (however taboo) and instructing each other exactly how you'd like them to touch themself.
Managing long-distance sexual desire
Discuss the ideas before executing (make sure there is consent from both parties) Even if you've been a couple for a long time before your long-distance relationship started, it's essential to relearn each other's boundaries, likes, and dislikes, and to get their consent before breaking into this new territory. Always make sure they're comfortable with what's coming, they're available to engage, and they're up for it.
You can navigate this with a few well-placed and reassuring conversations.
Some topics might take a little nerve when exploring new and spicier areas and practices, but consent is essential if you're both going to be able to relax and let go of any stress that might go hand-in-hand with your racy new ideas.
Why consent—during sexting or anything else—is so important
Despite frequent sexting showing higher sexual satisfaction in relationships, this study, The Interplay of Coercion and Intimate Partner Aggression in Perceived Consequences of Sexting, in the International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, shows the negative side of digital sex and how such a valuable tool is too regularly abused. Over half of the sample study reported intimate partner aggression during sexting, and almost half felt coerced into participating.
Don't add to those figures; be a gentleman during every sexual exchange—until she tells you not to be, of course!
1. Let your partner know when you think of them
Working on your emotional intimacy long distance is essential but not always easy. One simple way is to make sure your partner knows they're always in your thoughts. Dropping little love texts throughout the day will assure them that they're an important part of your life, however far away.
One simple way is to make sure your partner knows they're always in your thoughts.
If you want to make it sexy and you know they're in the same mood, let them know you're thinking of them first thing in the morning or last thing at night and what kind of flirty or dirty thoughts and actions you might engage in while thinking about them. Telling your partner you think about them while masturbating can be one of the hottest compliments they'll hear—but again, as long as that's what they're into.
2. Put your sexy thoughts into writing
For many, talking dirty or diving headlong into phone sex can initially feel uncomfortable and embarrassing. One of our best phone sex tips is to start with something simpler. Writing your sexiest thoughts in a letter or an email is an often easier first step to getting past that talking dirty awkwardness. Once you've found your flow and had a little feedback from your partner on what turns them on, you'll be better prepared to turn that written erotica into the type of dirty talking your partner craves.
3. Use masturbation to keep your sexual desire
Mutual masturbation will be a staple of your shared video sex practices, but to keep your sexual desires under control when you're partner isn't available or in the mood, having a bank of sexual images, videos, and voice notes from them are great ways to keep your partner your focus during those solo passion sessions.
Keeping your sexual desire under control with regular masturbation will help you maintain a healthy relationship with your partner, lessening the temptation to fulfill it elsewhere.
4. Have a sex bucket list alongside your regular bucket list
Bucket lists are a natural way to explore new entertainment, achievement, fulfillment, and adventure outings. When long-distance lovers share a sexual bucket list, it allows them an easy and simple way to introduce new ideas and sexual fantasies into their remote sex life or to build anticipation for their next visit in real life.
5. Explore your favorite online sex positions
For those long-distance lovers regularly engaging in video chat to keep their sex life alive, why not mix up the view and the focus of the action? Focussing solely on your face or body gives two very different perspectives; taking turns to undress slowly or to do absolutely anything you want to see creates another. Breaking yourselves in gently might mean taking long-distance baths together or letting your partner watch you shower.
Talking about what each other likes and would love to see provides all the information you need to get things just right for your calls.
Exploring the best angles to present yourself to the camera will give you more confidence about your body and performance, as will trying more or less lighting. Communication, once again, is key. Talking about what each other likes and would love to see provides all the information you need to get things just right for your calls.
Despite providing you with a relatively long list of suggestions, we've barely covered the tip of the iceberg when it comes to long-distance relationship sex ideas. The real fun, we believe, is in the practice.
The more you explore, the more relaxed and comfortable you'll become, and the more fun your sessions together will be.
Whether you engage with the most advanced sex toy tech, work on your dirtiest sex chat, write erotica, or clear out every sexy game or outfit in your local sex shop, the best way to learn about how to excite each other's bodies is to talk about it and put those conversations into practice.
As long as you stay open to each other, maintain consent and healthy relationship boundaries, you can enhance your long-distance relationship sexually and emotionally, making your sex life and physical intimacy even more powerful when you finally get to fulfill all those sexy plans in person.
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