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How Can I Talk to My Partner About Prostate Massaging? (11 Helpful Tips)

9 min read
How Can I Talk to My Partner About Prostate Massaging? (11 Helpful Tips)

If you're here and reading this, there's a good chance you're curious about prostate play. The trouble is, it can sometimes feel like an awkward subject to bring up with a partner.

Let's start with the reality. Anal play and prostate stimulation for guys really aren't taboos anymore - instead, they're now a common form of sexual pleasure. In fact, the prostate gland is a biological structure that's made to respond to touch - so, it's not a strange kink or any secret sign of anything, just a great addition to sex play and enjoying your body.

That said, talking about any kind of sex can feel uncomfortable - so here, we'll help you find a way to talk about prostate stimulation in a way that's honest, low-pressure, and totally centered around mutual comfort.

At a Glance

  • Prostate play is far more common and normal than most people realize, with real pleasure potential and growing openness among couples.

  • Awkwardness is usually cultural, not personal — and a calm, curious conversation can remove pressure and make the topic feel natural.

  • Lead with curiosity, simple facts, and shared exploration, not expectations; keep the dialogue light, respectful, and mutual.

  • Comfort is everything — listen to concerns, start slowly, and treat toys as optional tools rather than requirements.

  • A “no” is always okay, and patience keeps things safe and connected; prostate play can still be explored solo if desired.

Why Can Discussing Prostate Play Feel Like an Awkward Conversation?

Today, lots of guys of all orientations enjoy prostate massage and different kinds of anal stimulation. That said, some guys carry old cultural baggage that makes the topic feel sensitive. This is understandable - historically, anything involving the anus was often considered “taboo,” “not masculine,” or simply “off-limits.”

While that has previously been the case, the modern outlook is very different - and for good reason:

  • The prostate gland is biologically designed to create sexual pleasure.

  • Surveys suggest 30–50% of men are curious about or already enjoy some form of anal play - and that number keeps climbing.

  • Prostate orgasms, prostate milking, and even prostate massage therapy have real potential benefits: from enhanced sexual pleasure and reduced tension, to possible relief of some lower urinary tract symptoms, and in some cases, improved erectile function (though research is ongoing).

  • Partners are generally more open to trying new things than most guys assume - especially when it’s in the spirit of shared exploration.


Ultimately, if you feel awkward, it doesn’t mean something’s wrong with you. It really just means you’re stepping into new territory. And like any new sexual conversation, it’s a lot easier when you know how to navigate it.

So, let’s get into the 11 tips that make talking about prostate massaging with a partner feel natural, respectful, and totally pressure-free.

11 Helpful Tips for Talking to Your Partner About Prostate Massaging

Before we start, it's a good idea to think of these tips as tools, not rules. You don't have to use all of them - just choose the ones that fit your communication style and your relationship dynamic.

1. Acknowledge Why the Conversation Can Feel Sensitive

It’s common for men to be more self-conscious about anal play than women, largely because of social messaging about masculinity we've mentioned. Talking about that can instantly take the tension down a notch.

For example, you might say something like:

  • “I’ve been curious about something but felt a little shy bringing it up - mostly because I don’t want it to come off the wrong way.”

  • “A lot of guys are weird about this topic, but I don’t think it should be taboo.”


Action point:
It's useful to educate yourself on how mainstream prostate play actually is. Knowing the facts will help you lead the conversation with confidence rather than hesitation.

2. Approach the Topic with Curiosity Rather Than Expectation

Like with any sexual act between partners, you don't want to demand anything. Instead, you’re just opening a door to a possible shared experience. Approaching any sexual subject with curiosity keeps the conversation light, safe, and more of an exploration rather than a demand.

You might want to try phrases like:

  • “I’m curious what you think about…”

  • “Have you ever wondered why some men enjoy prostate stimulation?”

  • “I’ve been learning about this and wanted to talk about it with you - no pressure at all.”

Action point: It's useful to create the kind of relationship environment where you can talk about pleasure in general before narrowing in on the prostate. If you think your partner would benefit from slowly working up to this kind of conversation, start with broader, relaxed conversations about sex - then narrow things in further down the line.

3. Share Simple Facts Without Overexplaining

In reality, you don’t need to give a TED Talk on the male G spot - a few quick and simple facts can make the topic feel less mysterious:

  • The prostate gland has dense nerve endings linked to sexual function.

  • Prostate stimulation can intensify penile orgasms and sometimes create entirely new sensations (including full-body or multiple orgasms).

  • Prostate massage may help release prostatic fluid, which some men find relaxing or pleasurable.


It's useful to keep it short and simple - and if your partner wants to explore more, you might even look at info around anal play together.

Action point: Share one or two facts. You might phrase them like:

“The prostate actually responds really strongly to touch - some guys say it creates a different kind of orgasm. I’d love to try exploring that together if you were ever open to it.”

4. Link the Conversation to Broader Discussions About Pleasure

If the topic feels heavy on its own, weave it into bigger sexual themes: exploring new sensations, playing with fantasies, expanding what intimacy looks like.

You might say:

  • “We’ve talked about trying new things… this is one I’ve been curious about.”
  • “I’d love to hear what kind of new sensations you’d want to try, too.”


This makes the conversation feel shared, not one-sided.

Action point: Ask what they might want to explore - different erogenous zones, fantasies, toys, positions. It a really good way of showing you’re not just focused on your own pleasure.

5. Listen To and Understand Any Concerns They Might Share

Some partners will need time to warm up. Others might have questions or worries:

  • “Will it hurt?”

  • “I don’t know what I’m doing.”

  • “Is it hygienic to explore like that?”


There's no right or wrong here - everything will feel different. It's important not to be defensive but instead try to validate your partner's feelings - then gently offer answers that reassure.

Also, this can be a great moment to introduce the idea of a toy, which can remove pressure from your partner to “do it right.”

You might say:

  • “If you'd prefer not to use your fingers - or it feels intimidating, there are beginner toys made for this - it could take the guesswork out and let us learn together.”

6. Suggest Some Low-Pressure Starting Points

You don’t go from zero to intense prostate stimulation overnight. Warm-up options might include:

  • Perineum (gooch) massage.

  • Exploring external prostate touch (applying some pressure to the prostate externally through the skin).

  • Light anal stimulation without penetration.

  • A small, beginner-friendly toy.


All of these things will help your partner ease in gradually - and give space for more questions or concerns to come out as you explore together.

Action point: It's a really good idea to offer up some positive feedback when they explore: “That felt really good - exactly the kind of gentle pressure I like.”

7. Talk About Toys as Optional, Not Essential

Sex toys can be amazing tools for prostate play - but it's a good idea to make sure they feel like an option, not a requirement.

You could say something like:

  • “There are toys designed for this, but we absolutely don’t have to use them unless it feels right for both of us.”

  • “Maybe we could look at a few together just to see what kinds exist?”

Action point: Learn about the types of toys out there so you can discuss them confidently - you'll find they range from beginner plugs to full prostate massagers to external-only devices. There really is something for everyone and every type of play.

8. Ask What They Need to Feel Comfortable

Comfort isn't just desirable when it comes to sex - it's absolutely essential in making sure everyone has the best possible experience. What's more, a great first experience

To make sure your partner is comfortable, you might ask questions like:

  • “What would make this feel comfortable for you?”

  • “Would you want to try just a small amount of external touch first?”

  • “Do you prefer guiding, watching, or experimenting together?”

When someone feels safe, relaxed, and respected, pleasure naturally follows.

9. Reassure Them That This Isn’t About Fixing Anything

Talking about adding different kinds of sex play to your time together might lead some partners to wonder if you’re unhappy with your intimate time together or if they’re not “doing enough” to satisfy you.

It's really important to clear this up immediately. To do so, you might say something like:

  • “This isn’t about something missing - it’s about exploring something new together.”

  • “You already turn me on. This is just curiosity and openness.”

Prostate play really isn’t a reaction to a problem - it’s just a natural expansion of pleasure, done together.

10. Give Them Time to Think

New sexual ideas can take time to process for anyone. As such, you should make sure they know there’s no rush. Again, comfort is only going to lead to a better experience for you both.

You might say:

  • “Take some time to think about it - we don't need to decide whether we want to try this right away.”

  • “If you want to read about this kind of thing or ask questions later, totally okay.”

Patience builds trust and - even if things move slowly - it keeps the door open.

11. Respect a “No” Without Letting It Define the Relationship

So, what does it mean if someone says no? Well, we should start by laying out clearly what it doesn't mean - it definitely doesn't mean they don't love you, don't desire you, or don't want to share sexual pleasure with you.

Instead, it's likely to simply mean that they just don't feel like they would enjoy that kind of sexual practice. Ultimately, respecting this decision is something that's going to keep your connection strong. Also, there's no reason to think they might not reconsider in the future.

In some cases, prostate play might become something that you explore on your own. With the right toy - it can become a fantastic part of masturbation or self-care.

What Kind of Prostate Toys Might Help?

There are some fantastic prostate toys available - but before we explore those, there's an important safety point to cover. Don't be tempted to use any object that's not designed for prostate play.

Prostate toys are specifically designed to reach your prostate - and, importantly - not be drawn too far into your anus. Using an alternative to a toy is a safety risk - and it's not an ER visit you'll enjoy.

With that out of the way, let's take a look at the main types of prostate toy:

1. External-Only Toys (Great for Beginners)

These stimulate the perineum or the prostate externally. No penetration, but lots of sensation.

Good for partners who want a gentler, low-pressure starting point.

2. Small Silicone Plugs

Soft, body-safe, and non-intimidating. Great for warm-up and getting used to internal stimulation.

3. Curved Prostate Massagers

These target the male G spot with an upward angle toward the prostate gland. Some vibrate, some are manual, all are designed for safety and comfort.

4. Dual-Stimulation Toys

These stimulate both the prostate and the perineum simultaneously, which can lead to incredibly intense prostate-induced orgasms.

5. More Advanced Options

Think larger massagers, double-ended toys, or combination devices that incorporate both penile stimulation and internal stimulation. These aren’t necessary for beginners, but helpful later if you’re chasing deeper prostate pleasure or exploring prostate and penile orgasm at the same time.

You'll find a host of different toys online - and you might even decide to explore options together with your partner so they feel part of the process.

Lube: The Must-Have Addition to Prostate Play

Lube isn’t optional when it comes to prostate fun - it’s essential.

The anus doesn’t self-lubricate, so using the right the right lube means you:

  • Reduce friction
  • Prevent discomfort
  • Make toy play smoother
  • Have help relaxing


Water-based lubes are the safest for silicone toys. Silicone-based lubes last longer but shouldn’t be used with silicone toys unless the label specifically says it’s compatible.

A good rule: If you think you’ve used enough lube… use more.

Find Your Perfect Prostate Massager

Talking About Prostate Play: A Summary

Even if we've been conditioned to feel otherwise, talking about prostate massage with a partner doesn't have to feel intimidating. Instead, it's a great way to explore different kinds of pleasure together, strengthen intimacy, and find out about the different types of pleasure the body is capable of.

The key is to keep the conversation open, pressure-free, and grounded in trust.

Always aim to normalize the topic, approach it with curiosity, share what you've learned, and listen to anything your partner has to say or ask. Also, remember that toys are a great option - but not essential.

Above all, prostate play isn’t about fixing anything or comparing yourself to anyone else. It’s about shared exploration and enjoying new sensations in a way that feels good for both of you. If you’re ready to experiment - whether solo or with a partner - you'll find a range of fantastic toys (and lubes) that will help you discover what works for you.

 

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