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A Beginner's Guide to Oral Sex: Tips, Tricks and Safety
By Danny GarrettSeptember 18, 2024 16 min readUpdated:September 18, 2024
Oral sex is almost as old as civilization. In fact, there are depictions of oral in ancient manuscripts going back nearly two thousand years.
While the practice has been viewed as taboo at certain points across history, we're currently in the most sexually open-minded period ever, meaning there's never been a better time to begin experimenting. If you've wanted to try your hand at oral sex but are unsure where to start, we've got you covered.
In this comprehensive guide, we'll explore everything you need to know to go from an oral sex beginner to an expert, including tips, techniques, and how to keep yourself safe from sexually transmitted infections (STIs).
Oral sex 101
Put simply, oral sex involves using your mouth, tongue, and lips to stimulate your partner's genitals. Oral is a common sexual practice, with recent studies showing that over 80% of both men and women aged 15 to 44 have engaged in it at some point.
It's also a versatile sexual practice enjoyed by people of all ages, genders, and sexual orientations. Many couples integrate oral into their foreplay, but it can be just as satisfying as penetrative sex.
In fact, oral is often preferred by people who require direct clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm, couples with reduced erectile function, and those who would rather give pleasure than receive it.
We should clarify that while oral sex is often considered secondary to penetrative sex and sometimes not regarded as "sex" itself, this is a huge misconception. Oral is a valid sexual activity in itself, and with studies estimating that only around 20-30 percent of women can orgasm through intercourse alone, it often plays a crucial role in sexual and relationship satisfaction.
Types of oral sex
| TYPE | DESCRIPTION |
| Fellatio | Fellatio, or a "blowjob," is oral stimulation performed on the penis and scrotum. |
| Cunnilingus | Colloquially known as "going down on someone" or "eating someone out," cunnilingus is performed using the mouth, tongue, or lips to stimulate different parts of the female genitals. |
| Anilingus | Anilingus, known as "analingus," "rimming," or a "rim job," consists of oral stimulation to the anus. |
Oral sex and pregnancy
Oral sex alone is essentially risk-free when it comes to pregnancy. Here's a quick biology lesson: for a woman to get pregnant, semen needs to enter the vagina, and sperm must travel to the uterus and then the fallopian tubes. The risk of this happening during regular oral sex is incredibly low.
However, if semen was to somehow get on the vulva or in the vagina, either due to accidental genital contact, bad aim, or your partner touching semen then immediately touching their vagina, then there could be a risk of pregnancy. These are rare occurrences, but it's good to be mindful.
It's also completely safe to both give and receive oral sex while your partner is pregnant - provided neither of you have any STIs.
STIs can still be transmitted while a person is pregnant - and this can cause serious complications for the fetus. STIs like chlamydia, gonorrhea, and herpes can be passed on to a fetus, either during birth or while still in the womb, which can potentially lead to pregnancy complications.
We recommend avoiding sex during pregnancy if either of you have an STI, as it's safer. If you're both free of STIs but still cautious, use a dental dam (a thin, stretchy piece of latex that covers the vulva or anus during oral sex) and a condom for added peace of mind.
Oral sex and STIs/STDs
Many people don't realize it, but you can transmit certain STIs through oral sex. STIs can spread through semen, blood, vaginal fluids, or even skin-to-skin contact. Because oral sex involves direct contact with skin and bodily fluids, there is a risk of contracting an STI in the mouth, throat, or genitals.
While you might think the risk of being exposed to blood during oral is rare, it can happen. Your partner could be on their period, have a tiny cut from shaving, or even just brushed their teeth too hard - basic stuff that could unexpectedly put you in contact with blood, so it's smart to be careful.
Here are some of the major STIs that can be transmitted via oral sex.
| STI/STD | DESCRIPTION |
| Chlamydia | A common STI that often shows no symptoms. Can infect the throat through oral sex, and if left untreated can cause reproductive issues. Treated with a short course of antibiotics. |
| Gonorrhea |
Gonorrhea can cause you to have an itchy or sore throat (like a throat infection), but more often than not, it is symptomless. Oral gonorrhea can sometimes cause gonorrhea to develop elsewhere in the body, like the genitals or rectum, with symptoms including painful urination and abnormal discharge. Treated with antibiotics. |
| Hepatitis A and B |
Viral infections that affect the liver. Hepatitis A is transmitted through fecal-oral contact, which can occur during rimming. Hepatitis B can be transmitted through oral sex if there are cuts or sores in the mouth, although this isn't very common. Symptoms include fever, nausea, and jaundice. Both variants usually clear up on their own but can require treatment if the infection is ongoing. |
| Syphilis |
A bacterial infection that progresses in stages, starting with sores/ulcers. Syphilis requires direct contact with a sore to be transmitted, so it can be spread through oral sex if sores are present in the mouth or on the genitals. Treated with antibiotics. If left untreated, it can cause serious health issues, including organ damage. |
| Herpes simplex virus (HSV) | A viral infection that causes painful cold sores on the mouth (HSV-1) or blisters on the genitals (HSV-2). HSV-1 can be transmitted to the genitals through oral sex, and HSV-2 can be transmitted to the mouth. It's a lifelong STI managed with antiviral medications. |
| Human papillomavirus (HPV) |
HPV is a common STI that can cause genital warts. It spreads through skin-to-skin contact, so it can be transmitted through giving and receiving oral sex. Oral HPV usually has no symptoms, and the infection typically clears up on its own within two years. |
Make oral screening part of your regular care plan
If you're sexually active with multiple partners, it's important you regularly get checked up at a sexual health clinic. Routine STI testing and oral health examinations will help you detect any problems or conditions early, allowing you to get timely treatment and reducing the risk of complications.
Regular screening will also mean you can talk to a medical expert about contraception and practicing safe sex. They can offer advice and suggest methods for better protecting yourself.
Oral Sex Tips
If it's your first time giving oral sex, we recommend researching the anatomy of the anus, vulva, and penis so you're not going in blind. A little research can do wonders for your confidence, and being confident will improve your ability in bed.
General oral sex tips
If you want to experiment with oral with a partner, the key is communication. While it might feel daunting to talk openly about oral sex with a partner, communication is crucial for sexual and relationship satisfaction. That means both in and out of the bedroom. Being able to discuss topics like this will create a relaxed and comfortable environment, which will help make any sexual experience a lot more enjoyable.
It's important you listen to your partner and follow their directions - after all, they know their body best.
Some people struggle to get in the right mood for an orgasm, so if they're telling you not to stop or to do something a certain way, give them what they need.
Many people find oral more intimate and vulnerable than penetrative sex as it requires you to get up close and personal with your partner's body and focus solely on their pleasure. This can be jarring for people with body image issues or other sexual insecurities, which is why it's essential to create an open and honest dialogue about sex.
This approach will help you both relax, allowing you to remain in the moment and concentrate on your pleasure. Practice makes perfect - the more oral sex you have, the better you'll come to understand what your partner likes and how they respond to different oral techniques.
Oral sex tips if your partner has a vulva
Techniques
1. Don't forget foreplay
Although many people treat oral sex as part of foreplay, you shouldn't just dive in without any preamble. Take your time, build the mood, and you'll find a rhythm. Less is more when you're setting the mood, and building up anticipation and arousal is a crucial part of any satisfying sexual experience - so don't hold out on the foreplay.
Talking dirty to your partner is a great place to start. Make them feel wanted, compliment them, and take the initiative. Research shows that women receive less oral sex than men, so ask for consent and then make the first move.
This will show your partner that you're eager and excited, which will make them more receptive to oral pleasure.
Foreplay is all about the build-up. Light, sensual touches with your mouth and hand down your partner's body will build tension and get the blood flowing to their vulva. Focus on her other erogenous zones, like the ears, neck, and nipples, before you go down on her. Get comfortable and work your way down your partner's body slowly, and you'll create the perfect conditions to bring your partner to orgasm.
2. Be gentle
When you do make it to your partner's vulva, make sure to start off with light touches. The clitoris is home to thousands of nerve endings, which makes it extremely sensitive, so don't be too rough. Every woman's body is different, and you'll quickly get a feel of whether your partner wants you to increase or decrease the pressure.
Although a lot of women need clitoral stimulation to orgasm, it's vital you don't overdo it. Focus on the entire vulva rather than just the clitoris, as constant pressure can get uncomfortable for your partner.
Use the tip of your tongue to trace the inner and outer labia and the vaginal opening, which are all incredibly sensitive areas. Lick the entire vulva and try penetrating the vagina with your tongue.
Pay close attention to how your partner reacts and watch for non-verbal cues - moans, heavy breathing, or shifting their hips towards you. These signals indicate whether you're hitting the right spots.
3. Variety is the spice of life
The key to oral sex is using a variety of techniques - especially if you're both beginners. This will help you both figure out what works best, which will add to your enjoyment.
There are a lot of different tongue and mouth movements you can employ to get your partner off, including licking, sucking, flicking, and light biting. Move your tongue in a figure eight position, up and down or side to side, or use the flat of your tongue to stimulate the clitoris.
Experiment and find out what excites them the most.
Exploring new positions can make a huge difference. Try having your partner sit on the edge of your bed while you kneel inbetween her legs or go down on them while they're in the doggy position. These add a bit of variety and allow you to explore more of your partner, which will help them reach orgasm.
Also, just because it's called oral sex doesn't mean you shouldn't be using your hands. Some people enjoy being penetrated during oral sex, so using your fingers, or even a sex toy, can be a great addition.
A lot of women enjoy nipple stimulation during oral sex, as it enhances their arousal and can lead to greater orgasms. You can also use your fingers to rub your partner's clitoris while you're going down on them.
4. Commit
Some women find it takes them a while to orgasm, so don't start a job you don't intend to finish. A recent study found that, on average, heterosexual women take around 13 minutes to orgasm.
The study involved women who were in stable, long-term monogamous relationships, so it's safe to assume that if you're trying oral sex with a new partner, it could take them just as long, or even longer, to reach orgasm.
Orgasm anxiety is an all-too-real occurrence that can create a cycle of stress, making it even harder to achieve orgasm. Part of making your partner feel relaxed is showing that you're not in a rush to get things done, and that's why we emphasize taking it slow.
Tips
- Using sex toys during oral sex is an excellent way of enhancing the experience and allowing you to go for longer. Jaw and tongue aches after prolonged oral sex are common, but using a toy will help mitigate the strain you're putting on yourself.
- Bringing in a vibrating dildo while going down on your partner is a fun way to spice things up, and if your partner struggles to relax during oral, letting them use a dildo can help them feel more in control - which will make them more open to sexual pleasure.
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Lube is also excellent during oral as it's so versatile. Flavored lubes can make the experience more enticing if you're not a fan of your partner's natural taste, and warming/tingling lubes can increase your partner's sensitivity and create some intense sensations for both of you. Just make sure the lubes you choose are safe for vaginal use.
- One last tip - keep any intrusive thoughts to yourself. Women, just like men, can be very self-conscious about their genitals, and nothing will kill the mood quicker than a negative comment about your partner's taste, smell, or pubic hair.
Oral sex tips if your partner has a penis
Techniques
1. Foreplay is crucial
You might not realize it, but men, much like women, enjoy long, drawn-out foreplay too. Build up the tension slowly, tease your partner, and focus on his other erogenous zones. Foreplay doesn't even need to begin in the bedroom - many people enjoy spontaneous sex, so surprise your partner with some spicy texts or seduce them in the kitchen.
Start off with a sensual back rub using warming lubricant, then start slowly moving down your partner's body. Try some dirty talk and let your hands stray - this will get them excited and make them more receptive to feeling pleasure.
Once you've appropriately warmed your partner up, you can continue with the foreplay shenanigans during oral sex. Remember, less is more - so try teasing him by leaving gentle kisses over his manhood or lightly grazing it with your hands.
2. Don't just focus on the tip
The glans (tip) of the penis is packed with sensitive nerve endings, so while it might seem like a good idea to focus on it, a lot of men can find too much attention feels uncomfortable.
Instead, try and give equal attention to each part of the penis, including the underside of the shaft and the frenulum - a thin band of skin that connects to the foreskin, located under the glans. Many men find these spots to be two of the most sensitive parts of the penis, and they're often overlooked during oral.
Also, don't neglect the testicles and the perineum, which is located between the genitals and anus. These erogenous zones are chock-full of nerve endings, and pressure to the perineum stimulates the prostate, aka the male g-spot, which can cause your partner to have body-shaking orgasms.
Explore your partner's penis and watch how they react.
Oral sex is all about exploration, as everyone enjoys different stimulations and sensations. If you're a beginner, the best thing you can do is take your time and pay attention to what feels good for your partner. Once you understand what they enjoy, then you can concentrate on it.
3. Be enthusiastic
Despite what the movies might tell you, men want to be sexually desired. In fact, one study found that the majority of men need to feel desired to have a satisfying sexual experience.
Keep that in mind while you're giving a blowjob, keep the enthusiasm up, and you'll both enjoy the experience more.
After all, both partners need to be fully engaged in the moment during sex. This has been proven to improve not only sexual satisfaction but also relationship satisfaction, and it helps foster intimacy.
While studies suggest that most women, on average, aren't big fans of giving oral, if you're planning on experimenting with it, you should fully immerse yourself in the experience.
For many, this could be a case of fake it till you make it - especially with nervous beginners. Nerves can quickly get the better of us during sex, but projecting confidence and acting like you're enjoying the experience will pave the way for genuine relaxation and enjoyment.
4. Keep switching things up
Variety makes any sexual experience more enjoyable, so try out a variety of techniques on your partner to see how they respond. Use your tongue to lick the underside of the shaft and then move on to putting his penis in your mouth. You can use your tongue while you're doing this - experiment with different patterns or try a flicking motion.
If it's your first time, we recommend that you go slowly and not push yourself.
Gagging is fairly common during a blowjob - especially if you're attempting to deep throat a penis - but if you have a strong gag reflex or it makes you uncomfortable, try a different position or technique. You'll quickly learn what your limits are and what you feel comfortable doing, so don't push yourself unnecessarily.
Wetter is better when it comes to oral sex, so don't be afraid to use some flavored lube or even your own saliva to make things friction-free and enjoyable.
Tips
- Holding the penis at the base during a blowjob is a great way to maintain control while also providing pleasure.
- If you're unsure how to use your hands, watch your partner masturbate and try and copy what they do. This will help them reach orgasm, as every man has different preferences when they're close to finishing. Some men prefer slow glans stimulation, while others enjoy fast-paced stroking - everyone is different.
- Be gentle. Don't treat the penis like it's made of glass, but at the same time, make sure you remember that it's a super sensitive body part that is attached. Communicating with your partner throughout will ensure you don't cause them any pain or discomfort.
- When it finally comes time for your partner to orgasm, you have multiple options - it's not simply spit or swallow. If you don't like the idea of him finishing in your mouth, that is entirely valid - it's not a prerequisite for oral sex. You can still give a great blowjob and have him orgasm elsewhere, and the experience will be just as satisfying.
Oral sex tips for a rimjob
Techniques
1. Hygiene
Practicing good hygiene is incredibly important when you're rimming. Make sure to shower beforehand and go to the toilet half an hour before you get down to business. For good measure, wash your hands immediately before and use some mouthwash post rimjob.
Rimming carries with it a risk of contracting STIs, like chlamydia or herpes, but there's also a risk of contracting infections via fecal-oral transmission.
That opens you up to the possibility of contracting Shigella, a nasty infection that can cause fevers and intense stomach pains, Amebiasis, a parasitic infection, or E.coli.
Using a dental dam is a great way of mitigating these risks and can help nervous beginners relax.
2. Positions
Positioning is crucial when giving a rimjob, as both partners need to be relaxed and comfortable to fully give and receive pleasure.
Some simple positions for first-timers are doggy style, where the receiver lays on their hands and knees to make it easier to access the anus, lying on your back with your knees tucked into your chest, or a simple standing position - which gives you the option of resting against a wall if you need to.
When you get more experience, you can experiment with some advanced positions.
Face sitting is a popular advanced technique but does require some strength from the receiver. Try a sixty-nine position, which will allow you to both give and receive pleasure.
3. Slow and steady wins the race
When you're giving a rimjob, you need to take things slow. It's important because the anus needs to be fully relaxed if you intend to penetrate it with your tongue, and that can only happen after you warm up the area.
The anus is packed full of sensitive nerve endings, and stimulating those will help it relax and also provide pleasure. Using your tongue, circle around the anus, varying the pressure and movements. Try moving your tongue in a zigzag pattern or a figure eight.
You can also try lightly blowing on the skin around the anus for some sensory play.
Massaging the butt can help your partner warm up, and some people like to involve a bit of spanking. Lube is also an excellent addition to the fun - it can help keep the area moist and will help provide pleasure.
4. Keep things fun
There's always a certain level of nerves around trying something new, so keeping things light and fun in the bedroom will help make the experience more enjoyable. You have to have the right attitude when you're bringing new sex acts into the bedroom - keep it judgment-free and open-minded.
If something doesn't work out the way you hoped, laugh it off and try something else. The key to all of this is creating a safe space to experiment where you feel comfortable trying new things.
Tips
- It's always good to involve a few sex toys in the mix when you're rimming someone. A little bit of vibration on the anus will be very pleasurable, and you can even try using a stroker on your partner's penis while you're rimming them.
- Using your hands while you're eating your partner's ass will help enhance the pleasure. Depending on the position you're in, you can try rubbing their nipples, stroking their penis or vulva, or simply rubbing your hands down their thigh. You can even insert a finger into your partner's anus if they're willing.
- Flavored lubes make the experience more fun for the giver, and sensation lubes will enhance the receiver's experience.
- Pay attention to your partner's body language. Communication is important, so asking them to be vocal with their pleasure can really help keep things flowing in the bedroom.
Oral Sex FAQ
1. What can I do to improve my smell?
Many women worry about their vaginal odor - it's such a commonplace issue that there are countless feminine hygiene products designed to deal with it. However, the problem with this is that many of these products can be dangerous for women in the long term.
A lot of feminine hygiene products can have direct health impacts on a woman's later life, and many are created without thorough regulation or medical oversight.
There's also the issue that these products existence reinforces the image of the vagina as being unclean, which is a harmful and outdated stereotype that often results in women developing anxieties and worries about their own genitals.
That being said, there is a way to naturally change the scent of a vagina: eat less sugar and stay hydrated.
Sugar and dehydration can affect the vagina's pH levels, and this could be why you've noticed an unpleasant smell coming from down there.
Unbalanced vaginal pH levels will affect the balance of bacteria living in the vagina, which can lead to a change in smell. It's also worthwhile to start taking probiotics.
2. What can I do to improve my taste?
Unfortunately, there are no scientifically backed methods to change the taste of your vagina or your semen, but that doesn't mean you're out of options. Plenty of anecdotal evidence suggests eating certain foods can affect how you taste.
Some of the more popular foods people try are:
- Pineapples
- Cinnamon
- Celery
- Kiwi
- Peppermint
- Parsley
- Blueberries
Obviously, this won't be an immediate change, but some people have found it works for them. We also recommend avoiding things like caffeine, alcohol, and tobacco as their by-products can end up becoming part of new sperm cells, which can result in your sperm tasting bitter.
3. Is it okay to give oral sex to someone who is on their period?
It is completely fine to go down on your partner when it's their time of the month, provided you're aware of each other's STI history. Some STIs, like HIV, hepatitis A and B, or gonorrhea, can be transmitted via blood, so make sure you know the person you're sleeping with is negative before taking the plunge.
Summary
Oral sex is a versatile and accessible form of sex that can be incredibly enjoyable. Our guide contains everything you need to know to become an oral expert, including tips and techniques. Understanding the different types of oral sex, practicing good hygiene, and taking precautions against STIs will allow you to reap the benefits within the bedroom.
Oral sex is a versatile and accessible form of sex that can be incredibly enjoyable.
Whether you're new to oral sex or a seasoned veteran, keeping an open dialogue and being aware of your partner's body and preferences will help you to have a safe and satisfying experience. Relax, take it slowly, and watch for non-verbal cues, and you'll soon be having fun.
