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How to Simulate a Blowjob with a Sex Toy
By Danny GarrettJanuary 18, 2024 18 min readUpdated:July 04, 2024
A 2017 study reported that oral sex is very nearly the most popular sex act in the United States, second only to vaginal intercourse. It found that 84% of those sampled had taken part - and it's safe to say that a good chunk of that percentage involves the good ol' blowjob!
However, as popular as they may be, there are times when receiving a blowjob is simply not on the cards - and there are also plenty of men who are yet to experience the pleasure. What if we told you, though, that there are ways in which blowjobs can be made attainable whenever you want them, even without the help of a generous partner? We're talking about simulating a blowjob.
Though that may sound like something out of science fiction, it's far closer to reality than you might imagine. In fact, with modern sex toys and conveniences, it's not even particularly difficult!
With that being said, if you want to accurately simulate receiving a lifelike head, you'll need to put in a bit of effort.
Luckily, there are many ways of adding to the realism of using a sex toy, many of which don't even really involve spending any money other than what you may need to get a stroker suited to the (blow) job.
In this article, we'll first establish the best parts of a blowjob - the parts we're trying to replicate - before going over what you need to look for in a sex toy to simulate these elements. Finally, we'll give you a bunch of tips that, when combined, will help you get as close as possible to a truly realistic experience. Let's get started!
Breaking down a simulated blowjob
Stimulating a realistic blowjob is quite a tall order - there are a lot of aspects that come together during the real thing that can be quite difficult to replicate with anything other than a real partner. That's not to say it can't be done though; you need to focus on achieving the right combination of sensations to make things as pleasurable and lifelike as possible.
We reckon that the particular elements that make a great, lifelike blowjob are texture, moisture, warmth, pace, and the hands-free nature of the experience.
Certain people may find that one or two of these are more important than others, but that's the kind of thing that differs from person to person. Regardless, let's break each of them down!
1. Texture
The human mouth (and throat depending on how deep you're going!) are choc-full of interesting textures, as they contain numerous parts of our anatomy that differ wildly in how they feel to the touch. Think about it!
First, there are the lips, which do a lot of the work. They're soft and capable of tensing and relaxing, all of which means they can provide a wide range of sensations. Close to the lips is the inside of the cheeks which can provide a lot of the soft cushioning feeling, depending on how exactly the giver is going to town.
You've also got the tongue, which is a lot wetter than the lips and can also be used without fully taking the penis into the mouth. Furthermore, the tongue moves in a very different way to the lips meaning it can provide even more unique sensations.
Of course, there are also the teeth, the hardness of which many people would prefer to avoid, but with an anatomical sex toy, very slight grazing can do a lot for realism. Some people are into the feeling of teeth though - it's all personal preference.
Deep-throat blowjobs provide even more unique sensations. Imagine penetrating a second, even tighter vagina during regular intercourse - it's something like that.
However, the texture of the throat is different from that of the mouth as it's a lot less soft. To get there, you'll also be passing by the uvula and tonsils, which can add some soft texture.
2. Moisture
Moisture is a vital part of why blow jobs feel so good. The mouth is super moist thanks to the production of saliva, and this is a great thing as it adds a lot of lubrication, helping the whole experience feel a lot softer and smoother.
Saliva adds so much lubrication that in many cases, unlike with vaginal or anal sex, making use of any additional lube is entirely unnecessary unless, of course, the giver is interested in flavored lube - but that's a story for another day.
This is a big point to think about if you're looking to replicate a realistic blowjob with a sex toy, as sex toys do not provide their own lubrication.
If you're looking for a lifelike experience - as well as a comfortable experience - with a sex toy, you'll need to provide a good amount of your own lube to get as close as possible to the level of moisture present inside a partner's mouth.
3. Warmth
The warmth of a real person's mouth is something that can be hard to find in your average sex toy unless you're stocked up with BJ toys that feature warming capabilities, or warming lubes.
Though it sounds strange to say it, human warmth is one of those things that you may forget about when thinking of the many aspects of a blowjob - but it adds a lot to the overall levels of comfort, enjoyability, and intimacy of the experience.
A cold blowjob would simply hit differently - not necessarily bad, but definitely different!
The temperature of the mouth is usually around 98.6 degrees Fahrenheit (37 degrees Celsius), which corresponds to the normal body temperature, as temperature is often taken orally. This might not really mean anything to you, but it just means that to replicate a realistic blowjob, you need to be experiencing heat that's on par with that of the human body.
4. Pace
Anyone who's experienced a good blowjob will be aware that givers often follow a certain rhythm when they're working their magic. While this rhythm may differ from person to person, it usually involves maintaining a certain pace for a while, intermittently slowing down, or speeding up to alter the sensations.
This variable pace is fantastic for keeping things interesting so you never get too familiar with a single sensation. Additionally, the unpredictable changes and subtle differences in pace are some of the most human elements of the experience.
Anyone who's experienced a good blowjob will be aware that givers often follow a certain rhythm when they're working their magic.
Think of the difference between a human being playing the drums dynamically feeling the music, versus a robotic drum machine programmed to hit exactly on the beat. This can be likened to receiving a blowjob from a person versus one from a sex toy unless you take your time to find the right one!
5. Hands-free
Receiving a blowjob from a person means you don't have to put in any work; you just get to lay back and experience a good time! Of course, this may be a bit of a generalization as lots of receivers do like to get involved whether that's with their hands or with their hips, but there's no denying that part of the joy of a blowjob is the fun of letting someone else take care of your orgasmic needs.
We reckon there are also numerous other reasons why the hands-free nature of a blowjob makes it feel so much better than masturbating with your own hand.
For one, you get to know that the giver is willing to take your penis into their mouth, which shouldn't be downplayed! To add to this, you're also having to trust that they won't bring you any harm. Overall, this all increases the level of intimacy, as well as trust in your sexual partner.
Hands-free sex toys aren't hard to come by, but finding one that really works as well as you'd want it to work can take some effort. While most of these toys will be able to get you off to some extent, not every toy can accurately replicate a lifelike blowjob, and that's what we're after here.
What makes a sex toy good for blowjob stimulation
Using the elements we listed above that make a blowjob great, you may be able to work out what features to look for in a sex toy if you're looking to simulate oral sex realistically as well as pleasurably. Generally, each of the aspects we listed has a corresponding feature that can be added to a sex toy to increase the realism and pleasure.
In order to help you out, here we'll list some of the features that we believe make a sex toy a perfect candidate for replicating a lifelike blowjob - so let's take a look.
1. Anatomical design
With this, we're talking about the toy's external design. An anatomically designed toy is a toy designed to look realistically like the orifice it is attempting to replicate, whether that's a vagina, butthole, or in this case, a mouth.
There is a wide range of anatomical toys out there, some of which are far more lifelike than others. While these toys include a lot of the same design, a lot just featuring lips, some go the extra mile, including things like a tongue, hard teeth, and even parts such as a uvula - that thing in the back of your throat!
For an immersive experience, we feel that the more realistic a toy is, the better - at least when it comes to the external design.
Toys that are trying to be lifelike but end up falling short can look a bit silly, which can take you out of the experience. If you think that hyper-realistic toys can look a little bit uncanny, we'd suggest going for a non-anatomical design instead.
2. Texture
The texture of the material as well as the internal canal can also make a big difference. However, it doesn't necessarily need to be anatomically designed to work wonders.
We find that what's more important than a hyper-realistic canal is a canal that generally follows the tightness of a real mouth, and then throat. That is, a stroker that gets tighter the deeper you go.
When it comes to the actual design of the internal texture, we like to opt for the features that we find to be the most stimulating, whether that's ribs, grooves, nubs, spirals - whatever you prefer is probably going to be what you want here. Of course, some toys try to replicate the inside of a real mouth, but we feel that additional features are often better for realism than a lifelike internal design.
You should also consider the texture of the material that your toy of choice is made from. Choosing a lifelike material can make a big difference in immersion. The most lifelike material for sex toys is generally considered to be TPE blends - they feel closer to reality than silicone or PVC, but they require more thorough cleaning as they're more porous meaning they can harbor bacteria.
3. Lube compatibility
Though lube isn't usually necessary with an actual blowjob thanks to all the saliva in the mouth, it's an absolute must if you're trying to replicate a blowjob with a sex toy. However - not every lube is compatible with every sex toy. It all comes down to the materials used in both the lubes and the toys.
Lube comes in three main varieties: water-based, silicone-based, and oil-based. Usually, water-based lubes are compatible with most sex toys, silicone-based lubes are compatible with some sex toys, and oil-based lubes are not compatible with any sex toys. This is a bit of an oversimplification, but it generally holds true.
What we're getting at here is that you need to choose a sex toy that is compatible with your favorite variety of lube.
If you're a fan of the slickness of silicone-based lube, you don't want to end up with a toy that's only compatible with water-based, as you may end up damaging it if you try using it with your preferred lube.
To generalize once more, silicone-based lube is usually only compatible with toys made from harder materials such as glass or metal. In contrast, water-based lube is generally safe to use with softer toys made from silicone or TPE. Always check a toy's product page to find it which lube it's compatible with, and always check the label of whatever lube you buy.
Our sex lubricant guide goes into a lot more detail on the subject of lube in general and the use of lube with toys, so be sure to check it out.
4. Warming Capabilities
As we discussed earlier, the warmth of a receiving partner's mouth is one of the most comfortable, intimate, and pleasurable parts of a good blowjob - but it's often overlooked! Thankfully, modern technology (as well as slightly less modern technology - more on that later) allows us to replicate this sensation with sex toys.
Though they're not the most common sex toys out there, some more advanced toys feature warming capabilities, being capable of heating up to a nice, lifelike temperature using an internal battery or drawing power from being plugged into an electrical outlet. These toys are capable of staying warm as long as their battery allows them (or as long as you like if they plug into the wall) but they're definitely the more expensive option.
A little less flashy method of warming up your sex toys is simply submerging them for a couple of minutes in warm water.
Obviously, you don't want to be soaking any toys that feature electrical components (that's a recipe for disaster) but for cheaper, manual sex toys, this is a great way of achieving some warmth.
Some companies even produce warming rods that are specifically designed to heat up your sex toys in around 10 minutes. While they're often designed for use with their own strokers, they're usually compatible with most sleeves - as long as they aren't made from a material that might melt. Be sure to check materials and product pages as well as reviews.
Finally, another option for adding some heat is warming lube, though this feels quite different from actual heat. Additionally, some warming lubes aren't great for people with sensitive skin, and they aren't always compatible with sex toys, so bear that in mind.
5. Hands-Free Stimulation
Sex toys are designed to get you off, and as such often include additional features to help you out. Of course, there's always going to be a tempting opening and textured canal, but some more advanced toys feature automatic vibrations, thrusting, sucking, and even rotating capabilities, all of which provide additional intense stimulation.
With a lot of these toys, though, you still have to hold onto them, and in many cases, you still have to move them up and down manually to really get to where you want to go. This isn't the case with your typical blowjob - part of the fun is letting your partner do their thing for you!
The solution to this dilemma is to find a toy that's designed to be used hands-free.
Often, these toys will contain a few moving parts that lend them the ability to get you off without you having to touch them, alongside the typical vibrations and suction.
A lot of the time, these toys also include a wireless remote control - though this isn't always the case. A remote is a fantastic inclusion, as it lets you lay back and relax while still having a simple method of controlling the stimulation and flicking through settings on the fly.
6. VR or Interactive Features
VR (Virtual Reality) toys and other interactive toys are the next step up from hands-free toys, and, to be completely transparent, are quite a step up in price as well. However, if you've got the funds for them, they're some of the most immersive and realistic blow job toys on the market.
These toys are usually capable of syncing up their movement to compatible adult content, including videos, audio, other sex toys, and even games.
While VR headsets really make you feel like you're there in the scene, regular interactive toys that just use your laptop or phone screen are still on another level when it comes to realism and immersion.
Though they're certainly more expensive than standard and some advanced toys, VR and interactive sex toys really are the next best thing to a theoretical sci-fi blowjob simulator. If you're looking to replicate real oral sex, combining these features with everything else we've mentioned is the way to do it.
Tips for simulating a blowjob with a sex toy
So - now we've put into words what we believe to be the most important elements of a blow job, and now that you're aware of what features you should look for in a toy, it's time to get into some tips for how to really simulate a great DIY blow job.
It's not quite as simple as just obtaining the perfect, most realistically stimulating sex toy - there are a few other things you can and should do to help make your simulated oral sex even greater. Here are some of the things we'd recommend giving a go - we reckon they make a big difference!
1. Use plenty of lube
This is quite common advice, but it's always true! Do not skimp on the lube - it's quite hard, if not almost impossible, to use too much lube. The main downside to using too much is that you'll probably get it all over the bed or yourself - but even then, the sex will still feel damn good!
Seriously though, you need to be using lube when masturbating - especially if you're using a sex toy when you're trying to simulate a blowjob. A 2014 study found that 30% of men in the USA reported to have never used lube for any sex act. While this number will probably have changed slightly at this point, as far as we're concerned, that's a huge chunk of men whose sex lives could've been made a whole lot better!
We've said it before but it's worth emphasizing - moisture is an extremely important part of a blowjob.
The human mouth produces its own moisture - blow job sex toys do not. As such, we'd recommend going nuts with as much lube as you like. As long as it's compatible with your sex toy of choice, you may as well go for it!
2. Set the scene
We're trying to help you simulate a real blowjob, but thus far, we've only really focussed on the apparatus that you'll be using for the act itself. However, if you were receiving a real blowjob, chances are that the environment you'd be receiving it in would be fairly different than your bedroom as is.
People love to set the scene for sex with a person, doing things like dimming the lights, keeping the temperature not too warm but not too cool, and even putting on some music and lighting some scented candles, all in a bid to help get in the mood. Why not do the same here? Just because you're going to be flying solo doesn't mean you can't indulge in a little sexy ambiance.
Getting the mood right can really help with arousal, and make your simulated blowjob all the more pleasurable.
It's all about getting into the right headspace. Most men are perfectly capable of bashing one out at a moment's notice with little or no preparation (we've all been there) but that's not particularly romantic. Getting the mood right can really help with arousal, and make your simulated blowjob all the more pleasurable. Try this out when you're masturbating without a sex toy as well!
3. Prepare some porn videos
We're all well aware that watching porn while masturbating is not some secret technique - a huge number of people do this every day. However, preparing some porn in advance can be a great idea if you're trying to simulate a blowjob, for a few reasons.
If you've properly set the scene, become nice and relaxed, dialed up the arousal, and are ready to dive into the experience, you don't want to be wasting time finding the perfect porn video. This can be time-consuming and annoying and can also result in losing some of that built-up arousal.
We're all well aware that watching porn while masturbating is not some secret technique - a huge number of people do this every day.
Instead, why not spend some time before getting started to set everything up and find some great videos in advance? You can keep them all open in separate tabs so they're at your fingertips as soon as you need them.
Additionally, make sure you choose the right videos. You don't need to stick to blowjob videos, but since that's what you're trying to emulate, we think they're a fairly safe bet. Even if you don't have a VR or interactive toy, some POV blowjob content can ramp up the immersion!
4. Consider advanced features to enhance the experience
We've touched on this already, but advanced features can seriously turn a standard sex toy into a device that you can't live without. The only issue is that sex toys are capable of quite a lot of impressive things nowadays, but most toys only specialize in one or two of them.
Let's break down some of the most common, and most pleasurable!
A. Vibrations
Vibrating is by far the most common feat modern advanced sex toys can accomplish, to the extent that it's hard to consider it an "advanced" feature anymore. Vibrations are usually achieved through the use of one or more small motors, and sometimes even with insertable bullet vibrators.
The speed, intensity, and pattern are often able to be controlled by the user for a more personalized experience.
While vibrations are definitely pleasurable, compared to some of the features we're about to get into they're slightly less exciting in this day and age. They're also less likely to get you off by themselves. Don't underestimate them though - they may be simple, but they add a lot to a standard sex toy, and higher settings can easily overwhelm both newcomers and overconfident experts. However, they're not particularly realistic, as most people's mouths don't vibrate. Never say never, though!
B. Suction
A sensation of suction can be achieved both electronically, and with the use of clever vents in the design of a standard sex toy. Either way, they use a vacuum to create suction. As we're trying to replicate getting sucked off, suction is quite a desirable feature, and automatic vacuum suction tends to be a little more lifelike and unpredictable than the suction provided by the twistable caps included on some strokers.
A sensation of suction can be achieved both electronically, and with the use of clever vents in the design of a standard sex toy.
However, it can still be hard to achieve a realistic balance of suction and stimulation with an automatic sex toy. Don't get us wrong - toys with automatic suction can still feel fantastic, they're just not quite as realistic as the often delicate balance of suction and release afforded by a real person. However, you can still often control the speed and intensity to your liking.
Additionally, the feeling of intense suction isn't for everyone. It can sometimes make a toy feel a bit more like a penis pump than a stroker, which, depending on who you ask, isn't necessarily a bad thing - it just might not be what you want!
C. Rotating
Rotating is a feature that isn't very realistic - unless you have experience with a particularly acrobatic partner - but it can feel really great, so we have to mention it. Typically achieved with sets of rotating beads built into the inside of a toy - usually placed underneath the textured canal - the spiraling sensation of these toys feels like it's drawing you further and further in, which is very unique. It can also get you off hands-free, which is a plus!
If you're not too fussed about the realism aspect, a rotating sex toy might be a brilliant choice that allows you to focus on stimulation.
This isn't an especially common feature, but it seems to only be attempted by sex toy companies that really know what they're doing - which is great for us, as it means it almost always feels amazing. If you're not too fussed about the realism aspect, a rotating sex toy might be a brilliant choice that allows you to focus on stimulation.
D. Thrusting
As you'd imagine, thrusting toys thrust up and down over your penis automatically. These toys are some of the best for getting you off hands-free, as they're perfect for mimicking the in-and-out motion of intercourse as well as oral sex. Typically, you'll be able to control the speed at will, and some toys have different patterns that are sometimes programmable.
While thrusting toys are typically a little more similar to penetrating a vagina or butthole than a mouth, this often depends on the specific design of the toy.
Some are designed to emulate oral more effectively, with the manufacturers designing the sleeve to be more akin to a mouth. These toys feel a lot more realistic if they're able to incorporate some randomness and unpredictability with the thrusting.
E. Warming
We've mentioned this before, so we'll keep this brief. Some more advanced sex toys have the ability to heat up by themselves in order to simulate the warmth of a real person. If they can't heat up on their own, some standard sex toys (those with no advanced or electronic features) can be submerged in hot water for a while, or placed on a sex toy warming rod to achieve the same effect.
Some more advanced sex toys have the ability to heat up by themselves in order to simulate the warmth of a real person.
This additional warmth lends a sex toy a lot more realism and comfort, which is perfect for simulating a blowjob. You'll get more consistent results from a toy that heats up by itself, but these toys are more expensive than those that you can just submerge in water or heat up with a heating rod, so it's mostly about how much you're willing to spend!
F. VR/Interactivity
Like with warming toys, we've already discussed VR/interactive devices, so we'll just give you a refresher here. Some of the more advanced (and expensive) toys are able to wirelessly connect to a VR device, or phone/computer app via Bluetooth or WiFi, allowing you to engage with adult content on a much more immersive level. This makes them work brilliantly for blowjob simulation!
These toys are perfect if you're an avid porn user, or if you've just got cash to spare on a fancy device.
Additionally, some of them can even connect up to other sex toys, meaning you could link up with and simulate a blowjob from a partner who would usually give you one in person, which is neat.
Overall, you don't need a toy that markets itself as a jack-of-all-trades, as toys that try to tackle too much often give subpar results in every category. Instead, try to focus on the specific features that you'd find the most pleasurable, or the most realistic, and go for a toy that specializes in those aspects.
Summary
Simulating blowjobs is one of those things where the more you're willing to put into it, the more you'll get out of it in the end. While you don't necessarily need to follow all of the pointers we've detailed in this article, the more you're able to follow, the better. If you can't follow all of them, we'd recommend at least trying out a few!
Simulating blowjobs is one of those things where the more you're willing to put into it, the more you'll get out of it in the end.
It can be worth trying to decide which elements of a great blowjob you consider to be the most important - this will allow you to find a sex toy that guarantees you'll be getting exactly what you want from the experience. Once you've decided on a toy, simply check off as many of our tips as you can, and we think you'll be able to simulate a blowjob that comes damn close to the real thing!
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