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12 Tips on How to Give a Handjob

10 min read
12 Tips on How to Give a Handjob

There are countless ways to mix up our sex lives. Engaging in practices that introduce a little additional excitement and intimacy with our partners is one. You don't have to be wildly creative in the bedroom to make the world move, so why not try getting back to basics and giving your partner a hand job that can blow his mind?

While it sounds like a throwback to our youngest years and early sexual encounters, there's much to be said about exploring the act of touch with a partner. Whether through mutual masturbation, switching between who focuses on who and when, or completely committing to your partner's pleasure—to his climax—hand jobs deliver all the same healthy chemicals as penetrative sex, oral sex, and anything else that helps us achieve orgasm and intimacy.

When they haven't had much experience handling one, many women become nervous about causing discomfort or pain while handling their partner's penis.

Knowing what you're dealing with will help you deliver what feels good and makes a great hand job. There are all kinds of technique tips, including using both hands, twisting in opposite directions, playing with your partner's balls, and even concentrating on or avoiding the head of the penis at specific times during the act. However, the best way to find out what works for your partner is to talk about it and practice together.

Here, we suggest a host of hand job tips, but ultimately it's up to you and your partner to explore what turns you both on and leads to the most fun, sexy, arousing, and ultimately explosive hand jobs.

1. Build anticipation

Making your man the focus of your sexual attention will be a huge turn-on for him. With that, the anticipation can start way before the act. Suggesting that 'tonight' is when he'll receive your full and undivided attention will build anticipation throughout his day, and we all know how much sex happens in our minds and not just our bodies.

When you get to the act, light strokes outside his clothes, a little nuzzling and kissing, slowly undressing, and putting on a show will all raise the temperature. A hand job shouldn't be a solely genital-based operation. Why not gently squeeze your partner's balls while kissing his neck and moving on to his nipples to help get things moving? Stroking his chest and working your way down past his penis to stroke his inner thighs will create even more of the heat you're looking for.

The more foreplay you include, and the time you spend building toward his ejaculation, the more explosive it should be.

However, there's a caveat to overdoing the anticipation, just as there are exceptions to most rules. If you're aiming for a truly great hand job, you can have too much of a good thing. Men and women differ in many ways sexually, and if you leave him hanging too long, it will feel frustrating and could turn him off completely. During solo masturbation, many men will aim for the finish line as efficiently as possible, so while anticipation will elevate the experience significantly, too much teasing can drive a man mad and not in the way you're hoping for.

2. Know The Anatomy of the Penis

If you don't have a penis, getting better acquainted with them is a good idea.

This piece from the National Library of Medicine explains the penis's structure, function, nerves, and muscles and how they all function together. Typically when masturbating a penis, the hand can grip with all fingers and thumb, or alternatively by making an 'o' shape with the thumb and index finger.

If your partner's penis is circumcised, the foreskin will have been removed, making the head of the penis less sensitive. An uncircumcised penis is often much more sensitive, as the foreskin protects the head of the penis from frequent contact.

A circumcised penis is used to being touched, so you can spend more time around that area.

With an uncircumcised penis, you've got the addition of a foreskin to play with, which can change the dynamic of your hand job to ensure your grip and motion are both comfortable and enjoyable.

While the head of the penis is the most sensitive part of his genitals, cupping and playing with your partner's balls will add sensation. There's a lot to be said for using both hands and bringing a little ball play into the mix—you've got a free hand, why not use it?

Each penis has its own smell and taste, which is perfectly natural. For those who are a little apprehensive of how that might affect their introduction to hand jobs or oral sex, flavored lubes are a great way to get started with all kinds of flavors available—from every type of fruit, mint, coffee, and cake—they'll ensure your hand job smells fantastic and your blow job tastes great.

DIAGRAM OF THE MALE GENITAL SYSTEM

Diagram of the Male Genital System

Photo credit to Nagwa Classes

3. Make Eye Contact (But Not too much)

Making eye contact during sexual activity can only increase intimacy and arousal. In fact, several studies have shown just that. One manuscript in the Sage Journal of Psychological Science explored how eye contact differed between the expression of love to the intentions of lust, and another, in the journal Frontiers in Psychology, debates how arousal is elicited by the sending and receiving of eye gaze information.

Being authentic is essential here, as any over-the-top facial expressions and fake moaning and groaning will be obvious and deliver the opposite of what you're aiming for.

Eye contact creates an incredibly intimate connection and can help what might feel like a very one-sided act into a true sharing experience.

He might be the one that orgasms when you give a hand job, but you're learning so much about him that it will help with your other sex play and intimate activities. If your partner can see you're enjoying yourself, they'll relax more and lean into the experience. You can do that by showing him you're getting off on getting him off.

4. Pay attention to his body language

While your facial expressions will help to turn him on, his will deliver valuable insight into what's working well, while his body language will give you silent cues into how you're doing. Communication is one of our most valuable assets during every type of sex, and body language says so much about us without using words that might be embarrassing or uncomfortable.

When he's pushing his entire body toward you, it's highly likely that he wants more of whatever you're doing; if he's thrusting harder, it's probably time to speed things up. In the same way, if they're pulling away from you, things might have become uncomfortable, or they might not be ready for what's coming next or trying to postpone their climax. If you can't read those cues – ask.

5. Try edging to extend his pleasure and increase orgasm intensity

If you haven't encountered edging before, it's a technique that prolongs orgasm and ejaculation by slowing down or stopping close to the point of climax. Squeezing the head of the penis or the base of the shaft can help prevent ejaculation while maintaining an erection. When the urge to climax has passed, you can slowly return to your hand job, repeating the process until it's finally time to orgasm.

If you haven't encountered edging before, it's a technique that prolongs orgasm and ejaculation by slowing down or stopping close to the point of climax

Building pressure this way leads to a more intense and explosive orgasm. It can also help men learn to delay orgasm, prolong sex, and prevent premature ejaculation. You could be doing yourself a big favor by performing this one for him.

6. Using lube and the wet vs. dry hand job debate

Wet or dry? Which is best? There's no hard and fast answer to that, as everyone has their own preferences, but our hand job tip is to get it wet. A slippery hand job will deliver similar sensations as penetrative sex and blow jobs. Again, a simple discussion before you start will allow you to cover the bases and find out what your partner likes.

On top of that, according to this review published in Sexual and Reproductive Health Matters, lubricants have been proven as an accessible means to improve many aspects of sexual wellbeing. However, from a pleasure point of view, we'd say it's definitely earned its place in all kinds of sexual endeavors.

A wet and slippery hand job can replicate the sensations that a mouth or vagina delivers.

A little spit—or getting your mouth involved with short, added-saliva blow jobs—can add a little natural lubricant, but silicone lube is tough to beat for the longest-lasting lubrication.

Always remember, though, if you're using toys or condoms, that they're compatible with your lube—a water-based lube is ideal for silicone sex toys and most condoms.

7. Change your speed

If you've watched your man masturbate, chances are he's not usually in the greatest hurry to get over the finish line until he's approaching it. There's a preferred speed for every stage, but to enhance his sensations, he'll slowly build on the speed to something near frantic at the climax.

For most hand jobs, it's good to retain a consistent rhythm, occasionally speeding up and slowing down to break things up, introducing a little light teasing to add a little punctuation. A man's penis can be extremely sensitive, so to begin with, gently grab it and maintain the same motion until he becomes more aroused.

8. Vary the pressure of your grip

Just as applying more speed to your hand jobs intensifies as you get further into the act, so can the pressure of your grip. It's another area where you want to check in with your partner about his preferences.

Understanding how much pressure to maintain at each stage will help you eke out the maximum amount of your partner's pleasure.

Early on, he'll enjoy the sensation as you gently squeeze his penis, but as you get further in and the excitement rises, you may find he gets more from a vice-like grip than a loose stroke or vice versa.

He may enjoy a different pressure on the shaft than on the head of the penis, but quickly checking in with, 'Is this enough? Do you want me to squeeze harder?' or 'Just say when...' can easily prevent going in too hard on such a sensitive organ.

9. Add a few sex toys to build excitement

You might think most sex toys are built for women and vagina owners, but there are plenty of options for every type of body, act, taste, and pleasure. To add something extra to your hand job techniques, using conventional cock rings, vibrating penis rings, masturbators, strokers, or even a combined stroker and penis pump will bring an extra layer of creativity!

10. Play with temperature

Temperature play during sex is a fairly advanced and niche area, but handling your partner's penis with icy-cold fingers can be fun and exciting for him. Have bowls of warm and icy water to hand to switch from hot to cold, or why not try keeping some of your bedroom toys in the fridge or freezer to create a similar sort of stimulation?

11. Establish a rhythm you can maintain

You'll both feel the benefits of establishing a good rhythm during your hand jobs. Building speed that matches his level of arousal will keep things heading steadily toward his climax but should also help you not wear yourself out too soon. It's not unusual to experience aching wrists, hands, or arms if things go on a little too long. Switching hands can help, but starting at a steady, manageable rhythm will help you last a little longer before any real strain kicks in.

12. Try perineal stimulation

As well as with the penis shaft, head, and balls, other areas around the genitals are packed with nerve endings ideal for adding stimulation while giving your hand job. Exploring those sensitive areas will boost his pleasure.

The perineum—the area between the base of the penis and the anus—allows access to the male G-spot.

For an in-depth guide to perineum pleasure, we have a blog covering everything you need to know. If you can locate a soft bulb in that area (the prostate), apply some light pressure, working in small circles; the added stimulation should add further intensity to his orgasm.

In such close proximity to the anus, perineal stimulation can provide an ideal introduction to anal play, using one finger to tickle or tease the nerve endings in the anus itself. A vibrating butt plug or similar sex toy can add new sensations in and around this sensitive area.

Summary

Understanding the differences between how your bodies work and what each other likes boils down to healthy communication and getting past any embarrassment of talking about what can be an awkward subject. To give a good hand job—or, with a little practice, a great hand job—those comfortable enough to practice together will discover all kinds of hidden pleasures.

Trying new and different techniques will boost pleasure times and elevate the humble hand job into something spectacular for you to share together.

Having a few new ideas to try—like those on our list of suggestions—is a great place to start. As everyone's body is different, what works for one might not be as good for another, so enjoy the fun in exploring what might feel good. Also, each couple's levels of intimacy and sexual practice will be personal to them. However you play, swapping out a few strokes that build towards penetrative sex into a complete act of giving—making your partner the center of attention until he reaches orgasm—is an act that will stimulate your partner's mind and his attitude towards sex, far more than just his penis.

The trusty hand job is too often underrated—but when shared and explored with creativity and openness, it can be one of the most intimate acts couples can share together.

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